Settling for Mediocrity

I flipped through the TV channels and stumbled upon Mad Max: Fury Road. The one with Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron in. I never watched it and I didn't know what it was about. There was a scene when one of the bad people told his boss that he would get the person they are chasing for and that the boss will reward him with something something. He then jumped on the big truck and his metal chain got stuck on the roof of the truck. He fell down and his boss said: Urggghh another mediocre.

That scene somehow left me thinking. Am I just a mediocre? Will that I ever be despite my dreams and vision? But then, is it bad to be an average?

Well, there is no right or wrong in this. If you are content to be where you are and that life is great the way it is, then it is for you. If you feel like you can do more, contribute more, impact more, then you may want to put being just mediocre out of your options.

But, we also have to understand that we cannot be great at everything. Most of the times, we may be great at a thing, or 2 things. One can be great in climbing a corporate ladder, but he or she may be just a mediocre in being a parent. Then I guess, pick your priority?

I have spent the past 10 years creating diversity in my resume. Being a pharmacist, I am able to explore different pharmacy-related fields, and of course I did my very best in each and every one. I have explored different portfolios and I know what I don't like and what I may consider further.

I am now 35 years old. I am not getting any younger. I am now ready to focus in something and be more than average. But the big Question is WHAT?

I think I can be a good leader, but corporate field is not my forte. I can deliver, but I don't like the purely profit driven that I had to succumb to at the end of the month; to fulfill the desires of the directors, the shareholders. Based on my experience, these people can never have enough. They always want more. Well, that is human nature. But if we cannot control that desire, we only create a greedy monster who no longer have good intentions. It will be about us being 'more, more, more'.

I have been reading a lot, and I noticed that I have been buying a lot of motivational and psychological books. I am not depressed (not that I am aware of as of today), but the mind is intriguing, isn't it? I have three beautiful daughters and I want to be able to be a good example and role model to them. I believe by understanding the emotion, the mind and people, I may able to do so (well, at least I try?).

One area that never left my heart is doing charity. Back in Uni times, we used to organize a lot of activities that I believe help a lot of underprivileged. I miss those times. I have not been able to do it ever since due to work, family etc. Excuses? perhaps. I dont know.

Lil' Tummy was created with the intention to help underprivileged babies with good food. I did not manage to follow through due to a lot of factors like my kids we much younger then, the lack of knowledge and motivation and support and financial issues. Getting back to work is much easier.
Nonetheless that piece of me was never been buried. Selalu teringat to go back tapi.. there's always a 'tapi'.

So this time around, I need to plan properly, effectively, step by step. Work can be shitty as hell, but if I have a different goal in mind, work can just be work. I have something to look forward to once I am ready to leave to embark on the journey full-time.

This is the time I will learn more on leadership, speaking and content writing, find out more on target population and the services or products to deliver, to solve or to bridge the gap identified in the society.

I am not imagining it as an easy path. But I am glad that I have found a friend who shares the same passion and slowly, we shall do this.

2++ Years of Silence

As soon as I started the working life (post WAHM), I became absolutely busy that blogging was not even listed anywhere in my mind. I had to concentrate in my new life, new industry, new colleagues, new challenges. It was a struggle, but one that made a better, wiser person I guess.

Today. I decided to get back to it: the blog. Work has became a priority that I had lost sight of what matters to my being. And by being, I am referring to the sanity of my mind and serenity of my soul. Family of course always comes first, then there is work. Then there is no other thing to keep me sane. So, slowly I am going crazy (not literally I hope!)

Recently we had a new corporate change in the company I am working in. Nothing like the previous one I worked with, but it did make me off balance. Suddenly I lost the sight of where I want to go, or who I want to be, in terms of my career. Do I want to climb that corporate ladder and someday lead the department? Do I want to go down that path again?

I can say out-loud that I don't want to. That it was enough. That I just want to do what I am doing and be good, be passionate about it. That I am a learner who wants to learn as much as I could. However, why do I feel differently when someone else stepped in? Why do I feel like the future is bleak? That kicks me off: I am now uncertain.

I still don't know what I want to do, where I want to go with the current role that I have at my work place. But, writing has always been what I like doing. It is a way I put jumbling thoughts out and de-clutter my brain. So, let's go back to where I can be sane: here.

A lot of things happened, so I will put them into words, in time. A part of therapy to get over the drama that I could not change.

Till then.

Travel Halal: Shanghai

This is my story of our Shanghai trip...

First of all, it is so different that the Shanghai you've watched in Shanghai Noon (hahaha). Shanghai today is very moving forward, and sophisticated.

You can ride the fastest bullet train in the world, from Pudong Airport to Shnaghai City. The train is called Maglev Train. We didnt get to ride on it though. We did get the chance to ride on the second fastest in China, the bullet train which took us from Shanghai to Shaoxing.

Transport:
We had a local guide, so basically, transportation was included in the price as well. We were given a bus for us 12 people. Talk about the spaces and empty seats!
I think it would not be a trouble to catch public transportation as there were many and probably more efficient than ours! (lol)
We decided to hire ground agent to take us around because we have small children with us. We didnt want to hassle of getting caught in the cold of winter season and communication issues that could make it worse. Unless of course, it was just us adults.
If it was just us, I would have taken the Hop-On Hop-off bus for sight seeing of Shanghai city.

Food:
It is not difficult to find Halal food in Shanghai. You will easily find Lazhou Noodle restaurants. Lanzhou noodle is also known as mee tarik here in Malaysia. They have the Halal, green coloured sign outside their shop. It is really easy to see. Lanzhou noodle is a must. It is simply yummy.
Comfy food in the winter.
Our agent took us to a halal restaurant which served chinese food. but I cant recall the name. That place was quite pricey.
For other basic food, you can eat the bread and try different drinks available. I love their Matcha, and E100 drinks (lemon or calamari juice). You can purchase from their mart like FamilyMart, Lawson,

Hotel:
We stayed in apartment when in Shanghai. International Service Apartment. 
sorry, but i dont recommend this if you have small children, strollers, and big heavy luggage.
I booked this because we planned to cook our meals. and the only decent apartment I could find was this.
The room was okay, with 2 queens. It could fit 4 adults and 2 children. It has a microwave, washing machine, stove, kettle. You can cook there.
But what i hate is that the apartment was only a part of the tall building. meaning, the whole building was not the apartment. it shared with other businesses as well. to go to the building, you need to ride on an escalator. this escalator only functions at 730am to 8pm.
When we reached there at 3am, we had to carry our big heavy luggage up the stairs. it was so tiring for all of us. we have 4 strollers with kids on them to carry! imagine our tiredness!

Places worth visitng:
Our agent took us to few interesting places. We didnt cover much cause the day was shorter than night. We went to the museum (which was boring), The Shanghai Financial Tower, Shopping in Chingpu Outlet which houses branded items at reduced price. I got myslef a Furla, Hub got himself a Braun Buffel and Mak got herself a Bally. The price was much cheaper from Malaysia, and you can entitle for tax refund up to 11%.

Souvenirs shopping can be done in Bazaar outside the Wu han garden.

at the bazaar outside Wu Han Garden

But make sure you bargain kaw kaw. hahahha. There was also a halal turkish food in the bazaar. Dont forget to grab a bite!
We went for a river cruise along the Huangpu River. You can see sophisticated Shanghai better at night.

on the river cruise along Huangpu river

I find that Shanghai, being an international as it claims, is not a children or baby friendly place. It was hard to maneuver strollers in the city. They have lots of stairs but hard to see the tracks for wheelchairs or strollers. We ended up carrying the strollers (with out kids in it) many times and that exhausted us.
The night we went for the river cruise felt like a night in Amazing Race. We were literally running up and down the stairs, carrying strollers and the kids, just to catch the boat. (cause we were late),
and our body is still aching till now.

walking in the city to the river cruise

Tips for parents with small children:
bring light strollers. or no strollers at all.
in fact, put on your baby carrier. find one that can carry up to 20kg perhaps? hahahah


Overall, winter in Shanghai is really really cold. I would love the city but the language barrier is killing us. and child unfriendliness makes it even difficult for us.

Nice place to go if you don't have small kids with you.

we'll be back once the three girls are big enough. hahhaaha


Thank you Shanghai.

Travel Halal: Disneyland Shanghai

Ni Hao! We just got back from a week holiday in Shanghai!

We went there with my mom, parents in law, sisters in law and her children. We were 12 altogether: 4 children, 1 baby and 7 adults. We booked out flights about a month before departure via AirAsia (what else?). December in Shanghai is winter time, so the weather was pretty cold with temperature ranging from 2-8C. That was really cold.

We bought a ground tour differently. Basically I was arranging the tentative, accommodation and guide. I found this tour guide from Mr Google: IslamiChina. They offer muslim friendly tour package across China, and also like ours, customized.

Our plan was to spend about 4 days in Shanghai and 3 days in Shaoxing. Initially Mom and I wanted to find cotton textile in Shaoxing, but that will be another story.

We reached Pudong airport around 1am. Our agent, Cici brought us to our Apartment in the city and our trip started off with Disneyland on the first day.  

I booked the apartment myself through Booking.com. I will write more on the apartment later in another post. In short: I dont't like it that much and I don't recommend it to family with small children.


                                    

Disneyland Shanghai recently opened its gate to all in June 2016. So basically it is still fresh from the oven. It is one of the cheapest Disneyland among others.

Entrance fee:

source: www.disneylandshanghai.com

It was about 59USD for adults, and children will be charged by heights. Amal, Amna and Sofeya (their cousin) entered for free and Ayra and Syahmi only 70% of adult's fee. We went on Friday so it was a non-peak day. The rate for weekends is different.

We spent about 10 hours in the theme park. Yet, I still it wasnt enough.

Preparations:

If you are going in Winter time, be sure to bring along you winter gears such as gloves, jackets, leg warmer, winter hat, blankets.
Drinking water is a must! The bottled water in Disneyland is very very costly.
Halal food is very hard to find, so please pack biscuits, and dry snacks. Bread and home-cooked meals are not allowed. Everybody will be checked and scanned before entering. They will throw any cooked meals if found. So dont waste your time preparing one. Just ensure you bring enough biscuits for the tummies. Milk is okay.
Eat a lot before going cause you will be using a lot of energy especially when you are bringing small children.
Wear good comfortable shoes cause you will be walking a lot! it takes 10 minutes to walk from the parking lot to the park. and the park itself is huge!
Strollers. Your children will not make it long on their own 2 feet. so it's either your back, or the stroller.

Activities:
Oh my there are many things to do! to ride on! we only managed to catch about 5 major attractions there: Carousel, Dumbo ride, Snow White Castle, Toy Story, Pirates of Carribean. My sisters in law managed to ride on the Tron. Hub and I wanted too but our kids were tired. So kesian nak tinggalkan with the atok and nenek.

My favorite ride is Pirates of Carribean. It was the most awesome ride I have ever been to! It was full of adventure. Even little Amal had fun in it. It was surprisingly suitable for all ages. I loved the 3D effects that felt so real and the boat ride made you feel like you were a part of the battle. Seriously, this is a must! that was our final ride before the fireworks. it was already dark (night time) so there was no queuing line at all. Our luck that we didnt have to wait at all. I want to share some picture we took but it was too dark. This is from google:

Source: Google

                               

Another highlight of the day was the firework. It was Amazing! Disney was being really generous with the fireworks. It was about 20 minutes and it was really spectacular. Like the one you see during new year. and to watch it in front your very own eyes just add that wow effect.
My kids enjoyed the Dumbo ride, and carousel very much. and of course the Parade. There were Elsa and Anna, Nemo, Winnie, Mulan, etc.

source: Google. It was exactly the same like in this picture!

I wanted to try more but our kids we really tired. I heard the Tron was awesome too.
The weather got really cold towards the evening. So it slowed them down. Nevertheless, it was really exciting and we had fun.
I think going in Summer can be even more tiring. So winter is okay. We didn't sweat and no heat rash etc.

Food:
Our agent told us that there was Halal food inside, but we could not find one. The area was so big that we just didnt have the energy to search through all.
We asked information counter, but they could not speak English at all. nor do they know what halal is. If you must go, please bring along a dictionary for translation purpose (cause we didn't have internet roaming)
However, if you step outside the park, (which is the Disneytown), there is one halal shop in the food court. The food court is called Food Republic.

source: disneylandshanghai.com

Food Republic is located at the back of Disneytown. Once you entered the front entrance, walk straight to the back of the food court, to the last shop on the left. The last shop was the only shop serving halal food. There is no Halal sign in Arabic. But they do have Halal Certificate in Chinese. I forgot to take a picture. but yeah, you can ask them.

After eating, you can always go back inside the Disneyland park. We didnt do that cause we forgot that we could do so. hahaha. I guess the excitement had taken over us. So we stayed in the park and starved. ahahahha. We are waffles and tawakal.

Praying:
Of course, as expected, there is no surau. The staffs in Information Counter (IC) was kind enough to let us use a room in IC to pray. So we managed to pray in peace, in warmth, and in clean place. Alhamdulillah.

Language:
Even though Disneyland is basically an international brand, everything is conducted in Chinese. The princesses were speaking in Chinese. Even Elsa can speak Chinese! The staffs there were helpful and friendly, but they could not understand English. We were using hand gestures to make them understand our concerns. We were like chicken and ducks. Our agent did not follow us inside, so that's why we had communication problem. But we survived, so all is good Alhamdulillah.

Facilities:
They have baby room, so no problem to change diapers, or even to hang out for some warmth.
They even have a nursing room where you can nurse your baby, or pump your milk.
The toilet is very clean and not that smelly. Thank god. But i do noticed some urine smell in some areas. It's either someone peed on the side, or it was to close to the toilets.



So. that's all about Disneyland Shanghai for muslims! I guess this pretty much covers the importants parts of trip to Disneyland Shanghai.

It is worth going, provided you stay until the end of the fireworks.


Ah we miss Disneyland.

Next, Disneyland Tokyo perhaps?

1st Year Survival of At Home MOM

It will be my 1^st year anniversary as a Work/Stay At Home Mom. Oh gosh I have a lot to share about, on what to expect, the feelings, how to cope, etc. And this will be a long one so bear with me ait?

What to expect?

Laziness/tiredness..  you call it lazy, I call it TIRED la wei.

For about the first 3 months, I felt..lazy. All I wanted to do was being lazy. But that was because I was heavily pregnant, I was in my third trimester. Hahaha that explains the laziness right? I wanted to do a lot, well at least my mind was not lazy. But the energy was mostly used by the baby in the womb.

After Amal was born, I concentrated on taking care of her, with breastfeeding and constant napping. It drained the energy out of me. I was thankful though that I didn’t have to rush in to work cause I would be sad to leave Amal behind. Just like what I felt when it was with Ayra and Amna.

Despite the perk of having to be there all the time for Amal, I was/am exhausted. All freaking time. I was lacking good sleep (for almost 5 years now), tired of ensuring the house is clean and tidy. I am neat freak, so I cannot see serabutness in the house, you know.

However, I am glad that we have Livy the Vacum Robot. I would be crazy without her, seeing hairs and dusts on the floor. Haha at least with Livy, I just need to switch her on and she will do the job. We will do the extensive cleaning once in 2 weeks. So that spares us a lot of energy and time.

Exhausted… the extreme of tiredness

Being home most of the time, with 3 under 5 children are really exhausting. It exhausts you physically and mentally. By physically, I’m sure you (the ones with toddlers) can understand how tired it is to attend to the needs of these children. I need to make sure breakfast, lunch and dinner are ready. On top that, don’t forget snacks. These kids love snacking. Plus, unhealthy snacks are a no-no. Though I fail that most of the times. Seriously, where can I get the extra time and energy to prepare our own healthy snacks? Thank god for frozen!

Mentally exhausted is another thing that fails me every time. You are at home, with the eldest being almost 5. What kind of intellectual conversation are you expecting? Most of the time is about Rainbow Dash and Sunshine Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle and Flutter Shy. Then it would be dinosaurs and horses, and fairies and princesses. The only time I get to stimulate my brain is when we are studying math or reading. That is a different level of patience hahahaha. It doesn’t help either that I have this sickness of overthinking. I cannot stop my brain from thinking about our financial, the schools, the education, the business, how to go about. I guess that drained out my brain even faster.

Privacy. What is that again?

I miss my me time. The time that I can have when I was at work. It doesn’t have to be a spa or a massage session. A ME time is a quiet time that I can have on my own doing whatever I want. I hardly get that anymore. Previously when I was at work, I usually had lunch in my room, while continuing working, or doing things I want to do. Surfing internet, checking out online shopping and stuffs. Or get out and hit the mall, just walking alone. That me time. Oh god I miss that. Now? Now I cant even pee in peace. Even if I lock the door, they still come knocking or yelling my name and asking me questions. “Mommy, how to spell dinosaur?” “ mommy, whatpe tu?” “mommy, amna hungry”. “mommy, amal is eating the playdoh!” How come they don’t kacau the father?????

Cold War

When your body is tired, and your brain is drained, you will end up being moody. Almost all the time. And it makes you even crazier when you see your partner gets to spend time with his friends at work, or be in his own zone even for an hour or so. At least he gets to do it daily. You get this ‘meluat’ feeling and you start to get pissed off easily by whatever he is doing. I’ve been there and we have resolved that. When that hits you, you need to talk to your spouse asap. Do not let it bottled up. You will end up hurting your children easily. You get irritated easily and scold them for the smallest reason. I am guilty of that and god I wish I don’t have to go down that road again. It is scary for me, and my family. Sometimes I am more a momster than a mommy. Hahaha Now don’t get me wrong, respect to the Husband is there. It’s just you cannot comprehend things positively when you are beyond exhaustion, mentally and physically. Too many frustrations. So that is why communication on your expectations, etc is important.

Insecure

When you were once an employee, (highly paid lagi tu) and now you stay at home with no pay, you will become extremely insecure. I am not talking about insecurity towards your husband, just insecure as a whole. You don’t get to spend money like before. You want something, you gotta check your purse and calculate. You pause and breathe in and walk away. You don’t have savings and that scares the shit out of you for what ifs. I get that almost on daily basis even up till now. One day, after solat, I confided in HIM on what I feel etc. I felt lost. I cried my eyes out. I prayed to Allah to ease my way. I opened the Quran and I believe He showed me the story of Prophet Musa. The page showed me the story of when Paraoh ordered for baby boys to be killed out of fear of the prophecy. Musa’s mom was so scared. She put him in a boat and sailed him. But Allah assured her that he will be returned to her.

                                      

This verse taught me to have faith in Allah. Have faith in Allah. Have faith in Allah. Dua, and work on it. Work on whatever I can work on. Keep on praying. Rest assured Allah has things worked out for us. Just have faith. And so, whenever I feel insecure, I feel down, I feel lost, especially financially, I remembered this story. So, if you feel lost on something, doa and pray to Allah. Talk to Him cause He is always listening. Then open the Quran to find the answer.

Seems like i am rambling more on the bad sides rather than the good ones kan? hahha

well, not everything is bad! be positive!

Stick like a glue

Your children will be more attached to you and you end up falling in love with them over and over again. Even though they just scream their lungs out at each other just now. Or they pick their poo from their diaper. And scattered their shit on the bed. Literally. And at times when they had nothing to do, hanging on your leg will be an activity. Just for fun. (but not for you when you need to do works)

Time is gold

Though it may seem like I have all the time in the world, trust me, that was just illusion. It’s Monday today, and suddenly it’s Monday again. When I was about to appreciate the weekends, Monday comes and plays the blues. I have all the things that I want to do for the week, then something comes up and bye bye list. We see you next week. That is one of the reasons for Lil’ Tummy not moving (or perhaps my excuse). the perks is you get to plan your day/week ahead (and pray that your plan sticks). I dont have to worry when Amal is hospitalized cause work is not asking me to be in the office. My time is devoted totally to her wellbeing. and that makes me a better mom. You get to plan for lunch with your ex-colleague, or dates with your daughther. and God is generous, He eases your way to it.  

                                             

                                                 

Love Overloads

My time is mostly spent on the kids (duh). I get to know my children more. I get to follow closely their development. I get to bring Amna to her physiotherapy sessions without guilt (work waiting in the office), I get to do exercise with her (though not on daily basis). Amna loves imitating my yoga moves, so it helps her to stretch her muscles and use her left limbs more. Ayra gets to come home from school to mommy’s cooking. We get to go on dates, just the two of us. One day is spent just me and Amna, and other day is spent just me and Ayra. We get to have our own private conversation, eat ice cream and be silly. I love that.

Healthier lifestyle (or so I believe)

I try to do Yoga at least once a week (but don’t take my word for it), eat healthy, cook healthy, gardening, etc. I need my family to eat healthily. We hardly dine out anymore. First, it can be costly, second, it can be dirty. Or unhealthy. We cannot buy health, but we can prevent unwanted side effects from happening. Diseases start from the gut: diabetes, heart diseases, kidney failure. So, what we now will have its effect 20 years later. So in order to be healthy in the next 20 years, we have to eat right, right now. I cant however be this conscious everyday. I am a human after all. So we do skip a bit once or twice. But drink lots of water, and balance out with veges and fruits.

Own Business Empire (Bahaha)

Now it may seem cool to able to start your own business, with your own brand etc. but my god, it is so hard to be persistent! I have things planned out, A to Z, but execution is really killing me! To juggle family, which is always always my priority, and business is really hard. The most frustrating part is marketing. I have laid the plan, how to do it, etc. I dont habe a partner to push me and work togehther. plus I don’t have much time to do so. I guess I need to take things one step at a time and not to have so much hope kot. 

So basically, there are ups and downs of being at home mom. What you need is strength (mentally and physically), support system, team work, and what I find important but easily missed is: ME time. This is crucial. Just take the time off. Don’t over think. Do what you want for 2 hours, alone. Go out with friends, laugh. That little things help you sane.

Don’t I miss having my own job? Oh YES I do. At times I feel like I am a better mom if I am working. I would less of a momster, and more on a mother.

So where do I go from here? I will let Allah set the road for me. I have my aims, but the road will be set by Allah. I do what I can and the rest is up to Him. I am always open to possibilities. 

Till then, please give me lots of coffee, cakes, and your prayers.

40degree

I am in a hospital now. Amal has been warded due to high grade fever.

She has been unwell for the past one week. On and Off fever, with PCM twice daily.

we initially thought she was teething, since she showed no other symptoms.

but we had to bring her to the hospital when she was different that one night. 

she was nursing, then she stopped. she was quiet, but awake.

her breathing was like a lil bit rapid, but her eyes showed weakness. 

her head was burning hot, yet her feet and hands were cold as ice.

she started to tremble. her lips shook hard. 

i never seen anything like this in any of my children.

we just had to bring her to the hospital.

upon arriving, her temperature reached 40 degree celcius.

imagine that! 

she vomited and became so weak.

she had her blood checked and WBC was 28. it was so high!

her lymphocyte was high as well: 50.

doctor suggested for her to be admitted. 

it has been 2-days now and she showed no signs of improvement despite oral Augmentin given.

but it has been only 2 doses so we should wait eh?

hopefully it is nothing bad.

Feed a baby, feed others

One of the lessons I am instilling to my children is that we must learn to give. Especially to those who are less fortunate than we are. Have empathy as that makes us human.

When I started Lil' Tummy, I was aiming in helping busy moms and dads to feed their babies with good food. As I go on, I kept on wondering, who will care enough to feed underprivileged babies with good food?

No doubt they eat, but what kind of food? porridge, the same lame porridge? what else.
Do they get to taste other yummy food, but also healthy food?

I always believe health starts from the gut. You eat good, you live good. You can be good physically, emotionally. Whole. But, if these poor children could not afford good food because of economy status, then what do we do to help? What have we done to help.

I decided then to start something good for my family, for Lil' Tummy.

We wanted our business to help others. Other than making money, our mission is to provide healthy and nutritious foods to the underprivileged babies and toddlers. not only I can earn some for my family, but we get to help others as well! it's like a dream come true,

So, our first project was about a couple of months ago. We went to a home for underprivileged children in Ampang. Nur Kasih. It was home placing children of all ages. They have a 6 months old baby to teenagers. Ayra and Amna played with the children there. we chatted with one of the care takers and got to know their stories.

Each of them have their own interesting story to tell. Now, I would love to share but that might take a long long long time to write. Most importantly, I hope the small children could get nutritious meals in shaping their healthy, physically and mentally.

We hope our effort will be an example for our children. And I hope, we can help these children in any way that we can.

From now on, parts of purchases for Lil' Tummy will be donated to underprivileged children. we hope to donate in form of healthy meals.. or money, whichever suits better.

I pray Allah will make this easier for us.