The Worry Me

I think I am somewhere between too-tired-to-think-but-to-worry-to-stop-thinking zone.

 

I am overwhelmed with worries. 

worry on money and future.

My mind is constantly thinking of solutions and ideas and searching for the thing called passion.

You know, the Passion thingie that makes people thrive in life.

and I dont even know what mine is.

sure, I love baking and cooking and reading and shopping and creating stuffs, organizing stuffs and writing my thoughts out in my small humble blog.

but those are not profiteering passion aren't they?

i am so in awe of people who really made it in life doing what they love most.

inspiried by what they love, etc

and even more, when they are younger than me.

can u imagine my worry? or neurons synapsing in my brain?

they are so lucky to 'get that' in life early.

they are not afraid to put a start to it at a very young age.

and of course the capital issue.

whoa. they must be so lucky! 

i dont know whether it's my hormones or i am really2 worried.

I am now 5 and a half month pregnant.

with constant headache and body ache.

alhamdulillah, the sickness has gone off. 

but still.. the baby needs more oxygen to grow. 

that leaves me..breathless. migraine. body ache.

and with me keep thinking of what i need to do and so on does not help making me relax.

Ayra wants a bunk bed for her birthday.

well, she is supposed to share it with Amna, of course.

she wants a castle like deco to come with it.

Princess la definitely.

if I am still employed and with my handsome salary, i think i can manage it still.

but not like the one above. obviously the above is what she wanted.

who doesnt right/????

that is sooooooo lavish!

what we have in mind is much simpler, from Tomatokidz:

 

dont get me wrong, Hub is willing to spend it for them, 

but the worry me is thinking far ahead, like can he sustain us as a family when

 i no longer provide?

we must start saving from now. 

I have limitation in terms of money now.

not that i didnt experience limitations before, but at least it was not for too long. 

wait for next's month salary and Im back being good.

but then again, when u are not happy with what u r doing, then what is the point?

I can no longer bear working here. with them. with the bosses.

i am so relieved that I pulled it off.

I worth more than all these.

and with that comes the price.

I am now worrying on my financial status.

 

still, I did not regret making that decision.

i managed to secure an income after this, and that will be just enough to cover our house mortgage and insurance coverage etc. but i shall no longer freely shop and spend.

goodbye dream.

gosh. my handbag. the last one bought was Gucci. 

ok now i am being materialistic. 

so, realistically speaking, i may have to swallow the thought for quite a while.

I shall be content with what i have.

I can do this!!!

I have put away the greatest world desire to focus on what matters most in the world:

My Children, Family and Value to Life.

Pat on my shoulder.

but one side of me is sad for not being able to give my children whatever they want.

but looking at the positive side, one must not pamper the child too much right?

they must learn that things may not come easily in life and that we have to work for it.

we need to tell ourselves that. 

the parents are the one having hard time to swallow that part.

not the children i think.

hahhaha

 

pray that i finally gets it okay?

I know it will not be easy.. I just hope Allah will eventually show me His way and that I finally have the courage to take that 1st step.

I need to put the What Ifs away.