the birth of Ayra Nabeeha

A sharp pain through my tummy woke me at 5a.m.

The pain that made u want to pass motion. Sort of.

So I woke and went to the loo.

Sat on the toilet bowl and tried to do what the nature does.

The pain was like a wind going wild in your tummy .

Kata lain, angin.

Lain macam.

It felt like a storm going wild in my tummy 

But no matter how I tried to pass motion, nothing came out .

Macam teran kluar angin.

Tapi ada lg byk angin.

It is hard to describe.

The pain came like every 5 minutes.

I woke Hub.

Told him about the pang in my tummy.

'Abang..I think this is it..or..it's food poisoning..lets go to the hospital..'

It was about 6.30am.

We performed our Subuh.

I sat on the bed while praying.

At the same time  trying to hold in the pain.

I hope Allah accepts my prayer that day.

Only He knows how painful it was and how difficult it was to pray in such condition.

Susah okeh!

We went down..me trying to hold in the pain and trying to walk as

fast as I could with that big tummy of mine.

Hub grabbed the hospital bag that ive prepared since I entered 36 weeks.

He drove the car calmly but efficiently.

At the same time, only prayers that came out of my mouth. 

لا إِلهَ إِلاَّ أَنْتَ سُبْحانَكَ إِنّى‏ كُنْتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمين
 

“Tiada Tuhan melainkan Engkau, Maha suci Engkau, Sesungguhnya aku adalah dari orang-orang yang menganiaya diri sendiri.” (Surah Anbiya ayat 87)

We reached DEMC at around 7am.

Went straight to the labor room.

The nurse came to check on me 

'Owh..dh in labor nie..dh bukak 3-4cm..'

Hub and I was in..shocked.

Like, for real?

I thought I had food poisoning!

Nurse put on the belt that detects baby's heart rate on my tummy 

But.

I kept on taking it off cos I needed to go to the loo like 

LITERALLY every 5 minutes.

No kidding.

Came to a point that i decided to stay in 

toilet cos I got tired of going in and out of bed.

Hub was secretly laughing in his head as he said later:

'Na nampak sgt comel dgn perut tu ke hulu hilir masuk toilet "

Very supportive

-_-

Nurse came again to check after a few hours.

But the cervix only opened like 4 cm.

It will be a longggg day, she said.

She broke the water for me and we waited for the 

opening to be faster.

They even put me on Pitocin.

Nope apparently it didnt work.

Nurse suggested for epidural but I refused.

I know it has a lot of side effects so I insisted on doing it naturally.

Nurse suggested for pethidine.

 I refused again.

But she said I needed to conserve my energy since I have

been wasting mine with the diarrhea and toilet trips.

So I took it.

I could tolerate the pain. I did.

The pethidine didnt really help.

I got sleepy but still felt the pain.

But at least I simpan tenaga..


Hub assisted me in zuhur praying.
i prayed while lying on the bed.
that is all i could do.
pain is not the factor in not praying.
if i die,
at least i know i have done what need to be done.

Doctor came and checked.

HE (my female doc was on leave) broke the water again

to make sure this time it really works.

I felt a gush of water coming out..

Then the pain kicked in.

The intensity got heavier each time.

This time the pain was extremely not tolerable.

every position did me no good.

I wanted to walk. To sit. To squat.

Anything but lay down.

And I started to vomit.

Every air zamzam and kurma that I ate went out 

I was so tired! And in pain!!

Nurse came and checked me.

'Ok..dh nak dekat nie..dh 9cm..'

'Jgn push lg..tgu..'

the next thing i know,
they strapped my feet on the bed
(but i managed to kicked it off because i was in so much pain)
and they were counting to push and what not.

u see, it was hard not to push when all your muscles wanted to do is push.
like u cannot help but push.
the urge that came was beyond anything i have ever felt.
the pain was so excruciating.
tears started to come out.
my mouth did not stop from saying Allah's name.
in and out.
only Him.
it was indeed a battle.
of life and death.
and i didnt want to die in vain.
Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar,

Hub was really helpful.
i was so grateful for him.
Thank You Allah for giving me
the best companion.
the Best.
he held my hand all the time.
pat my back and zikir with me.
he reminded me not to lift my buttock.
(so that it wont tear)
he assisted me in breathing,
which i forgot how, with all the pain.
he was being brave and very very calm.
i am so proud of him.
Thank you Allah..

doctor used the vacum to help the baby out,
i was literally out of breath.

i pushed hard two times.
the second one got the baby out.
Gulppppp
something went out.
and the pain was gone.
Totally.

at 5.20pm.

i felt.. relief.
and..
there she was..all covered with.. grey thingie.
after checking her, doctor put her on my chest.

Assalammualaikum...

the cutest little baby.
my baby.
our baby.
she was looking at me with her big eyes.
magic.
i can feel her love.
for me.
her eyes showed so much hopes for me.
and at that moment, i knew my life is complete.
i knew that i want to be the best mother for her.
i knew that i want to give the best to her.
and i shall love her with all my heart and soul.
the love of my life...

she started to search for the breast.
i positioned her so she could be closer for lactation.
(read a lot on successful breast feeding during pregnancy)

she did well.
that little genius.
she latched on well and nursed for the first time.
it felt good.
i am convinced she got the Colostrum.
the liquid Gold.

the journey of birthing really wore me out.
but the adrenaline was high that i could not really sleep that night.
instead, i stayed awake,
staring at that child next to me.
that pure angle.

i would go thru this over and over again,
just to see, hold, love..

Ayra Nabeeha.

Happy 1st Birthday, My Little Angle.