The Worrying Begins

There she goes. 

That sweet oh so sweet girl of mine, Amna.

We are truly blessed. Alhamdulillah..

I am thankful, grateful, to Him for these gifts. Dear Allah. 

U have given me soooo much and U have always been there for me.

And yet.

I am asking U for more. Off all the things that i am praying U for.. 

I mostly,badly ask U..to protect my children. Protect them from evil of the world and the devils. protect them from sickness and diseases.

Amna was about 6 months old. She has started rolling then and i was estatic that she was having the same progress as her big sis when Ayra was 6m. 

I remember the day vividly as i was patting her dry after her bath. She was actively kicking and moving her right hand and leg. And the left limb remained..stiff. Not moving.

I had that little voice inside of me. An alarm. But i bugged it off as i didnt want to think negatively unneccessarily.

She was kind of not well at that time. And soon she and Ayra were admitted due to bronchilitis.

I did tell the doc about her left limb but i was not too worried then. Doc suggested that she comes again when she's about 1yo. He didnt want her current state at that time to interfere with his concern.

I started to google and read. And cerebral palsy appeared to match her state. 

We brought her to urut and she got better.. She managed to roll again but not crawling.

I told myself if she still could not crawl by 10 months then we should be investigating more.

True enuf,she started to crawl when she was 10m. That was kind of late coz Ayra crawled at 6m. But then again, every child develops differently. 

At bout 11m, we brought her back to the doc. And doc really got worried. He kept on emphasizing that babies should not be having any preferences. Ie, she should be favoring her right limbs over the left. He strongly suggested for mri. 

We hold back and requested for a 2nd opinion. Thus, she is referred to neuropeads ppum. I wanted ppum simply because..well.. It's one of the best with the best expertise.

Today (29.1.15) was the day we went for her 1st check up in neuropeads ppum.
It was Amna's rezeki thay she was actually seen by a professor in neurpoeads. On the 1st day she was there. 

She was seen initially by M.O doing her master. So Amma was her case. And the prof was there to assist her. Basically, the prof was there to teach and we got the free lessons too.

 

But being a mom.. Despite knowing what i know (as a pharmacist) and understanding the terms or prognosis and what not.. I am still a mom. And she is my child.

I could not contain my emotion.

They suspected that she had a stroke.which led to her condition now.

She has improved her tones (probably because we took her for urut) but the stifness still present.

The stroke happened probably somewhere when she was 6m old.

And all i could think of.. Why i was not there to catch it? Could i actually catch it? How was she? Was that why she always creid franctically back then? 1001 questions and possibilites. What if.

And i am more afraid when they worry if it happens again. Oh allah. Please lord. Not her. Not them. Please please please..

Probably she has to be started on anticoagulant if results of investigation lead to infarction or etc. Aspirin? For babies?? Long term? And what in my mind was.. And the side effects of bleeding etc. I am paranoid. I am paranoid. I could not take it. Its too much. I broke down.

Broke down in front of the doctor and medical students.

She is my daughter. She is joyous. She is bubbly. She is happy. She is my hope my strength. My muse. My ever after. My bridge to jannah.

And insyaallah we can do this.

Im strong enough to handle this. We are strong enough to handle this.

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”
(Qur’an, 2:286).

أُعِيذُكِ بِكَلِمَاتِ اللهِ التَّامَّةِ مِنْ كُلِّ
شَيْطَانٍ ، وَهَامَّةٍ ، وَمِنْ كُلِّ عَيْنٍ لَامَّةٍ - See more at: http://duas.com/dua/287/dua-seeking-the-protection-of-allah-for-children#sthash.cduuODoV.dpuf

أُعِيذُكِ بِكَلِمَاتِ اللهِ التَّامَّةِ مِنْ كُلِّ
شَيْطَانٍ ، وَهَامَّةٍ ، وَمِنْ كُلِّ عَيْنٍ لَامَّةٍ - See more at: http://duas.com/dua/287/dua-seeking-the-protection-of-allah-for-children#sthash.cduuODoV.dpuf

"I seek refuge in Allah with His total words from the evil Satan, from every poisonous animal and from the evil eye". (Bukhari)

O Allah, drive the misfortune away from me.