1st Year Survival of At Home MOM

It will be my 1^st year anniversary as a Work/Stay At Home Mom. Oh gosh I have a lot to share about, on what to expect, the feelings, how to cope, etc. And this will be a long one so bear with me ait?

What to expect?

Laziness/tiredness..  you call it lazy, I call it TIRED la wei.

For about the first 3 months, I felt..lazy. All I wanted to do was being lazy. But that was because I was heavily pregnant, I was in my third trimester. Hahaha that explains the laziness right? I wanted to do a lot, well at least my mind was not lazy. But the energy was mostly used by the baby in the womb.

After Amal was born, I concentrated on taking care of her, with breastfeeding and constant napping. It drained the energy out of me. I was thankful though that I didn’t have to rush in to work cause I would be sad to leave Amal behind. Just like what I felt when it was with Ayra and Amna.

Despite the perk of having to be there all the time for Amal, I was/am exhausted. All freaking time. I was lacking good sleep (for almost 5 years now), tired of ensuring the house is clean and tidy. I am neat freak, so I cannot see serabutness in the house, you know.

However, I am glad that we have Livy the Vacum Robot. I would be crazy without her, seeing hairs and dusts on the floor. Haha at least with Livy, I just need to switch her on and she will do the job. We will do the extensive cleaning once in 2 weeks. So that spares us a lot of energy and time.

Exhausted… the extreme of tiredness

Being home most of the time, with 3 under 5 children are really exhausting. It exhausts you physically and mentally. By physically, I’m sure you (the ones with toddlers) can understand how tired it is to attend to the needs of these children. I need to make sure breakfast, lunch and dinner are ready. On top that, don’t forget snacks. These kids love snacking. Plus, unhealthy snacks are a no-no. Though I fail that most of the times. Seriously, where can I get the extra time and energy to prepare our own healthy snacks? Thank god for frozen!

Mentally exhausted is another thing that fails me every time. You are at home, with the eldest being almost 5. What kind of intellectual conversation are you expecting? Most of the time is about Rainbow Dash and Sunshine Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle and Flutter Shy. Then it would be dinosaurs and horses, and fairies and princesses. The only time I get to stimulate my brain is when we are studying math or reading. That is a different level of patience hahahaha. It doesn’t help either that I have this sickness of overthinking. I cannot stop my brain from thinking about our financial, the schools, the education, the business, how to go about. I guess that drained out my brain even faster.

Privacy. What is that again?

I miss my me time. The time that I can have when I was at work. It doesn’t have to be a spa or a massage session. A ME time is a quiet time that I can have on my own doing whatever I want. I hardly get that anymore. Previously when I was at work, I usually had lunch in my room, while continuing working, or doing things I want to do. Surfing internet, checking out online shopping and stuffs. Or get out and hit the mall, just walking alone. That me time. Oh god I miss that. Now? Now I cant even pee in peace. Even if I lock the door, they still come knocking or yelling my name and asking me questions. “Mommy, how to spell dinosaur?” “ mommy, whatpe tu?” “mommy, amna hungry”. “mommy, amal is eating the playdoh!” How come they don’t kacau the father?????

Cold War

When your body is tired, and your brain is drained, you will end up being moody. Almost all the time. And it makes you even crazier when you see your partner gets to spend time with his friends at work, or be in his own zone even for an hour or so. At least he gets to do it daily. You get this ‘meluat’ feeling and you start to get pissed off easily by whatever he is doing. I’ve been there and we have resolved that. When that hits you, you need to talk to your spouse asap. Do not let it bottled up. You will end up hurting your children easily. You get irritated easily and scold them for the smallest reason. I am guilty of that and god I wish I don’t have to go down that road again. It is scary for me, and my family. Sometimes I am more a momster than a mommy. Hahaha Now don’t get me wrong, respect to the Husband is there. It’s just you cannot comprehend things positively when you are beyond exhaustion, mentally and physically. Too many frustrations. So that is why communication on your expectations, etc is important.

Insecure

When you were once an employee, (highly paid lagi tu) and now you stay at home with no pay, you will become extremely insecure. I am not talking about insecurity towards your husband, just insecure as a whole. You don’t get to spend money like before. You want something, you gotta check your purse and calculate. You pause and breathe in and walk away. You don’t have savings and that scares the shit out of you for what ifs. I get that almost on daily basis even up till now. One day, after solat, I confided in HIM on what I feel etc. I felt lost. I cried my eyes out. I prayed to Allah to ease my way. I opened the Quran and I believe He showed me the story of Prophet Musa. The page showed me the story of when Paraoh ordered for baby boys to be killed out of fear of the prophecy. Musa’s mom was so scared. She put him in a boat and sailed him. But Allah assured her that he will be returned to her.

                                      

This verse taught me to have faith in Allah. Have faith in Allah. Have faith in Allah. Dua, and work on it. Work on whatever I can work on. Keep on praying. Rest assured Allah has things worked out for us. Just have faith. And so, whenever I feel insecure, I feel down, I feel lost, especially financially, I remembered this story. So, if you feel lost on something, doa and pray to Allah. Talk to Him cause He is always listening. Then open the Quran to find the answer.

Seems like i am rambling more on the bad sides rather than the good ones kan? hahha

well, not everything is bad! be positive!

Stick like a glue

Your children will be more attached to you and you end up falling in love with them over and over again. Even though they just scream their lungs out at each other just now. Or they pick their poo from their diaper. And scattered their shit on the bed. Literally. And at times when they had nothing to do, hanging on your leg will be an activity. Just for fun. (but not for you when you need to do works)

Time is gold

Though it may seem like I have all the time in the world, trust me, that was just illusion. It’s Monday today, and suddenly it’s Monday again. When I was about to appreciate the weekends, Monday comes and plays the blues. I have all the things that I want to do for the week, then something comes up and bye bye list. We see you next week. That is one of the reasons for Lil’ Tummy not moving (or perhaps my excuse). the perks is you get to plan your day/week ahead (and pray that your plan sticks). I dont have to worry when Amal is hospitalized cause work is not asking me to be in the office. My time is devoted totally to her wellbeing. and that makes me a better mom. You get to plan for lunch with your ex-colleague, or dates with your daughther. and God is generous, He eases your way to it.  

                                             

                                                 

Love Overloads

My time is mostly spent on the kids (duh). I get to know my children more. I get to follow closely their development. I get to bring Amna to her physiotherapy sessions without guilt (work waiting in the office), I get to do exercise with her (though not on daily basis). Amna loves imitating my yoga moves, so it helps her to stretch her muscles and use her left limbs more. Ayra gets to come home from school to mommy’s cooking. We get to go on dates, just the two of us. One day is spent just me and Amna, and other day is spent just me and Ayra. We get to have our own private conversation, eat ice cream and be silly. I love that.

Healthier lifestyle (or so I believe)

I try to do Yoga at least once a week (but don’t take my word for it), eat healthy, cook healthy, gardening, etc. I need my family to eat healthily. We hardly dine out anymore. First, it can be costly, second, it can be dirty. Or unhealthy. We cannot buy health, but we can prevent unwanted side effects from happening. Diseases start from the gut: diabetes, heart diseases, kidney failure. So, what we now will have its effect 20 years later. So in order to be healthy in the next 20 years, we have to eat right, right now. I cant however be this conscious everyday. I am a human after all. So we do skip a bit once or twice. But drink lots of water, and balance out with veges and fruits.

Own Business Empire (Bahaha)

Now it may seem cool to able to start your own business, with your own brand etc. but my god, it is so hard to be persistent! I have things planned out, A to Z, but execution is really killing me! To juggle family, which is always always my priority, and business is really hard. The most frustrating part is marketing. I have laid the plan, how to do it, etc. I dont habe a partner to push me and work togehther. plus I don’t have much time to do so. I guess I need to take things one step at a time and not to have so much hope kot. 

So basically, there are ups and downs of being at home mom. What you need is strength (mentally and physically), support system, team work, and what I find important but easily missed is: ME time. This is crucial. Just take the time off. Don’t over think. Do what you want for 2 hours, alone. Go out with friends, laugh. That little things help you sane.

Don’t I miss having my own job? Oh YES I do. At times I feel like I am a better mom if I am working. I would less of a momster, and more on a mother.

So where do I go from here? I will let Allah set the road for me. I have my aims, but the road will be set by Allah. I do what I can and the rest is up to Him. I am always open to possibilities. 

Till then, please give me lots of coffee, cakes, and your prayers.

My Many Hats

I have so many hats to put on lately.

Family (Wife and Mom) Hat, Pharmacist Hat, Mumpreuner Hat, Chef Hat and..

I have an additional Hat to be worn from now on: Wealth Planner Hat a.k.a Takaful Agent Hat.

Surprise!!

Say what?? 

Ok, firstly, let me clear out the air on why I am now a takaful agent for PruBSN.

You see, I have resigned from my so-called corporate life to focus on my family, and to discover things that I feel can benefit me in so many ways.

I was done with being under appreciated employee, busting my ass off and ended up hurting.

I was done with working under bosses who are..well,..bosses. not leaders. 

basically, I was done.

my pregnancy only helped to strengthen my decision.

I have always wanted to focus on my family more than the stresses working life: endless.

I wanted something more.

by that i mean continuous pahala, financial freedom, continuous education.

something that can give meaning to life.

Money is of course the basic life necessity. without money, u can hardly do anything!

but i dont want to be slave to money. it will never end. what would life be if it's all about the money?

I wanted something more. something I love, something i can learn, something i can contribute.

I love the idea of having my own business, but let's face it, it is not easy as A B C.

there are many steps to it, and the journey will have ups and downs.

When I wanted to do Lil' Tummy, I didnt put so much expectations, but leave it to Allah definitely. 

Tawakal, and usaha as much as i can. I wanted it cos I want somethng that can relate to what i love: cooking and children. (not cooking children ye! )

so, the journey started and Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, it may be small, but at least He has shown me the way. I am continuing this journey. but i need something else.

whilst setting up Lil' Tummy, I stumbled upon the profession of Wealth planner from my agent.

one research to the another, i came to my long long friend, back when we were doing housemanship.

he is now an agent and he loves what he is doing.

I learnt that this gives me the flexibility in time, passive income, continuous learning and we can contribute to the society. 

it is always important to educate the society on proper wealth management and to prioritize needs. 

long story short, I passed the exams and I am now the takaful agent for PruBSN. 

Allah has eased my path.

I have my challenges though: I am not an extrovert. I am not persuasive. 

I dont know how to persuade people, I dont like to hassle people.

 and I dont know how to handle rejections. 

but looking at the positive sides, life is a challenge. I'm doing this to make myself better. to upgrade my capabilities and open up possibilities.

after all, life is dull if one keeps on sitting on the couch kan?

add some spices and herbs y'all.

I dont aim to close case. I aim to educate. really, honestly, if I didnt take the exams, (and read the books), if I didnt go the classes and discussions, I would not know the things I know now, even though we have subscribed to takaful years before. 

Takaful is just more than buying a medical card and claim.

I am wiser I guess. in that area. 

alhamdulillah.

at least my family is informed with what i know.

I hope with this, I can genuinely contribute to the society and may this be my way of obtaining my goals of financial freedom, continuous pahala and life long learning.

so people, please dont run away from me!

I am still me okay.

I have always loved helping people, and if u ever need something to clarify or to ask, you can ask me. I will do my best to help.

Lil' Tummy

Not too long ago, a mommy, who was working full time in a corporate world, with all the blings and dramas, decided to quit her stressful job, and just be a mom (and of course a wife).

even though she didn't know what to do financially, she did not regret at all on her decision. 

but to make sure she is doing something for herself and to support her family, she knew she had to do something. plus, she can never sits quietly and be..still. 

it's not in her DNA.

after searching high and low of what she should do, and eliminating possible things that she could do, she ended up wanting to cook.

cooking and baking have always been her interest. even though she may not be the world class cook or baker, the satisfaction of doing so makes her want to do it. 

she loves cooking healthy meals for her children. ever since they were small, she had always prepared their meals on her own, despite her busy schedule. 

for her, children should not be fed with processed, MSG packed food at all.

to be healthy, it has to start from the earliest age. 

what we feed our children will shape their eating habits, their skills, their brain.

having that passion, along with her knowledge in health industry (since she has a degree in pharmacy), she wanted to do help busy parents, who care deeply of their children's nutrition needs, to give them the best homecooked, healthy meals. 

and that is when Lil' Tummy comes. 

she started to read more and more on food and nutrition. and proper storage, suitable packaging etc. 

she designed her own label and did her own logo. 

she wanted to do something that she can call her own.

something that someday, her children will be proud of. her family will be proud of.

with the birth of Lil' Tummy, not only she means business, but deeply, she really wants children to be able to have good food. and busy parents are given the option to provide good healthy food for their children. 

her journey just began. 

she has a lot of fears. lots of doubts.

but, she has to do it. she needs to explore her capabilities, her destiny. 

she knows it will not be easy, but like what Estee Lauder said:

whenever she thought of quitting, or losing hope, or changing course, she remembers the efforts that she had put in, the faces of the ones she loved, her dreams and goals, 

then she resumes back on the road.

hopefully, Allah will ease her way, and she will finally reach her destination: all that she pictures in her mind that she has become.

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i came across an advert on this moms' event on FB. it was an event held for mumpreneur, to help them showcase or market their products and help with their business.

even though my customer base was kind of nil, Hub said it will be agood platform for me to try and showcase my brand. after all, the first stage of business is on branding your product. 

it was to be held in The School Jaya One PJ. 

I didnt want to do this alone. i invited my friend along, who has a small baby boutique business online. she has been doing quite ok, but never had experience in this either. so i guess, why not we do it together? first timer experience!

the friend's pot

Lil' Tummy had its first ever booth event last week. 

it was a new experience for me. i was kind of scared. i didnt know what to expect.

i made the preparations weeks earlier, to ensure it became like what i imagined in my head.

for a new product, the first impression is very very important. 

the packaging must be appealing, must be intriguing. 

the booth set up must be unique and interesting, something that can catch the attention of passer by. 

i finally came up to this:

alhamdulillah, even though the sales we not up the roof as what i would like to be, somehow we managed to attract lots of peoples' attention. even the press, whom i didnt expect to be there as well.

mom helped me a lot. she has always been supportive, and of course Hub too!

i owe them a lot for that weekend. 

Mom, for coming with us on the first day of the 2-day event. helped me to set up the booth and manned the booth. then helped to jaga Ayra and Amna on the second day, while me and Hub went to the booth on our own. Amal of course was with me. boobies are stuck. haha

Hub, even though he is tired, he stood it out for me. he accompanied me on both days, angkat barang and be there all the time. 

this is just the beginning. I dont know how it will be.

hopefully Allah will make it easier for us. 

Ayra was so excited on this too. 

what she did on the first day there:

Amna was busy being cranky, and Amal was busy being in my sling all day.

people were amazed by her, being 2 months old, and following mommy to run her business.

well, we need to train them early right? ;)

 we have may reporters at our booth taking our pictures and Lil' Tummy. 

I honestly dont know if we will ever come out in the paper.

if we do, then.. OMG.

i will definitely share here.

Xoxo

DIY Diaper Box

One thing that occupies the time of a home maker is DIY Stuff.

LOL

I have fallen into the pool of DIYs.

Like, seriously.

I have always liked these DIY stuffs, and growing up, I have always

ventured into DIY my own things, 

from own cards, own dolls (yup, I made my own dolls), Barbie's clothes, etc.

But.. as usual, when one grows up, one tends to drift away their hobbies due to commitments,

money, jobs, people, etc..

And being a home maker now, I am using this opportunity to revisit my childhood hobby and

at the same time, ensuring my home is organized.

I like things to be neat. and organized. like seriously.

sometimes i think i have OCD.

but nothing serious really.

just a bit of OCD is good for the home ;)

One of the projects that I managed to complete despite the tiredness that 

I am having at 35 weeks of pregnancy, 

is.. my DIY Diaper Box.

The one u can buy from the store is really not that expensive.

U can get it at RM50 plus. 

But making one is different. I get to play with my imagination and activate my brain's creativity.

Again.

I think my childhood creativity has long been kept and now dusty.

Presenting to you my own DIY Diaper Box,

This is to organize the new baby's stuff.

the previous 2 confinement was quite.. not to say chaotic or a mess, but rather a lil bit unorganized.

Things could have been much simpler and neater if I took the time to organize the newborn's requirement.

I like that the DIY diaper box can fit:

1. Diapers. many many of them

2. Baby wipes

3. Cottons

4. Changing Mat

5. Cotton buds

6. Oils for massaging, baby oil, etc

7. Comb

8. Cloth

9. Body essentials such as lotions, powder

10. Bottom balm

11. Spare of clothes

I put a pair of handle on top to make it mobile.

Easy to carry up or down the house, though most likely the baby will be up 

with me during confinement.

I didnt use any complicated things. I wanted everything to be recycled items.

a. an old box which is still okay to be used. all it needed was a bit of touch ups.

b. small boxes as the compartments inside

c. kain perca,, or leftover cloths. i got these from my mom who is an avid sewer. so she has plenty of them and they are still in good condition. 

d. strong glue

e. stapler

f. scissors

g. pen/ruler

h. creativity

so basically, it started with me wrapping and gluing the big box with cloths. i didnt have a one big cloth, so i used the perca ones.

just glue them. it involves a lot of gluing really. not that hard.

as for the handle, i cut off the unused cloth bag that we usually got for free.

then I wrapped it with a layer of cloth. just to match it with the rest of its body.

then, I stapled the handle to the box.

as for now, they are still standing strong.

It would be good if you can sew them together, but I cant figure out how to sew it on a box. 

Overall, I am quite satisfied with the 1st project of diaper box. 

It doesnt look squeaky neat or similar to store bought, I know.

that was the first trial.

The next one would be much better.

for this, I just wanted to experiment with my rusty creativity. 

and to use it to welcome the little one soon. 

Coming into 37 weeks later, I wish to relax, do a lot of breathing exercise, and enjoy my moments with the 2 cheeky princesses, before the little one comes out.

Home Vege Garden

Our very own Vege Raised Garden!

pic from google

I decided to grow my own veges few months ago.

Was inspired by few raise garden pictures that i was looking at online.

impressive!

I wanted to grow my own veges simply because:

1. Cost effective. We could cut cost of veges weekly purchasing.

2. Pesticide free. I know it will be healthier and safer for my family.

3. I can help to increase the oxygen level in my community. That can be like a continous sedeqah from me.

I have started planting few vege plants previously but I didnt care too much for them that they did not go well, except for few plants which seem to be growing nicely regardless of the lack of tlc.

I was busy vomiting during the first timester, hence the lack of attention to them.

sob sob.

So, going into the 2nd-3rd trimester, I decided to focus more seriously on this. 

i googled up on how to make our very own vege raised garden. 

searched for the companion plants, which means, what plants are suitable to be planted together, next to each other.
extensive research done to make sure this project is a success.
i am very determined!

I wanted a raised garden because it is easier to maintain.

I like things to be organized and manageable.

and raised garden is the best solution.
no messy messy garden for me. i cannot tahan serabutness.

after so many googling and researching online, and Hub's support, on one fine Sunday, we went to buy papan at Meru.

I cant remember the name of the shop. It was not  the ordinary shoplots etc. 

It was more like a factory processing used logs and kayu kayan. 

The place was near to our place. 

we really save cost of building the Box, rather than purchasing the marketed product in malls etc.

I even seen one costing up to RM500 for a simple box. crazy crazy!

so, Hub was nice enough to build it for me. 

we made a 5x3 inch of raised box.

i divided it into 1 square feet by putting a thread to separate the boxes. 

we filled in with soils from Sg Buloh. 

overall the total cost is less than RM150.

this how our vege raised garden looked like:

what's with the spoons?
i use them to label each plant.
of coz i cant remember which is which!

now, after about 2 months, i am presenting to you my babies all grown up.
(well, most of them)




a. Serai/ lemongrass.
Wajib to have in our home.

b. Coriander/ ketumbar
I LOVE this. the smell makes every dish delicious.

c. Spinach

d. Kailan.
havent tasted this.
waiting for it to grow a lil bit bigger.

e. Cucumber
We didnt think this would work.
imagine my delight when suddenly one fruit popped out like that!

f. Sawi
our family's favourite!

g. Kangkung
this is like soooo easy to grow.
we have abundance of it.
can even sell it!

g. chilies
waiting for it to fruit.
then we can pick them.

h. Cabbage
Dont know which type of cabbage this is.
still waiting for it to bloom further.

i. lettuce.
feels like eating nasi ayam or burger or sandwich?
just petik few helai from the garden.

we have more:
tomatoes, lady's finger, lemon, daun kunyit, onion leaves, basil (lots lots of them), daun kesum, curry leaves, kaffir lime leaves, carrots.

Hub recently planted two mango trees and papaya tree.
but of course they were not planted in the raised garden.
those have to be planted on normal soil.
the roots would be big!

I love th fact that i can just pick the fruits/ veges whenever i am cooking stuff.
we managed to cut down cost on spoilt veges. hahhah

start gardening people!
whoever thought I would enjoy this!

i used to hate getting my hands dirty with soils.
really. im serious. this is just not me.

but i guess, as u age..u will become more..mature..and all u want is to do something
good for your surroundings and do something worth your time and effort.
i sound so old aren't i.
this is actually a therapy too.
something to get your mind off things.
get your mind off money issues, shopping issue, desire issues
*ehem, me here*

and it helps me sweat. a lot!
good coz i hardly do any exercise.
unless u call doing house chores an exercise.

i like to watch them grow.
i like that my children are learning to get their hands dirty and give back to earth.\t's nice that we can help to increase oxygen level in our community.

;)

Home Maker

I thought I would have ample time to blog since I am now 'working part time' from home, and

am a fulltime Home Maker.

Boy was I wrong.

It has been almost a month since the last day of me working in the corporate world.

28 days to be exact.

and only now that I can blog.

So how is my life?

Hectic.

Busy being pregnant. Busy with looking after the 2 munchkins.

with the house and cooking.

and planning for business and life.

boy oh boy.

The most energy draining is not the home making, but the constant attention given to the children.

with healthy meal preparations in the morning for the loved ones, 

yup, i look this good whilst preparing. dream on

then waking up the little ones, then bathing them and feed them. and sending Ayra to LC.

and we got home, sometimes i get to think of the business.

few times on the part time job that I am doing.

then it's Amna's meal. again. she likes to eat. and so does this baby in me.

so we eat again.

then it's almost 1230.

and it's time for lunch preparation.

and time to pick up Ayra.

then letting them play, along with quarreling between the girls.

most of the time, Amna is the one who started it with Ayra. she insisted on having things her elder sister is having. hook by crook. 

and making sure they eat their lunch (feed them).

and bathing them.

to cool off in the middle of the blazing hot afternoon.

so they can have their nap easily.

face it, i need the nap too!

badly.

we we wake up, Hub is home.

and I am saved.

hahahaha

so far I am enjoying the time that i have till i pop.

i am now 31-32 weeks. 

few more weeks to go.

and i have not packed the Hospital bag.

the baby's clothes are not ready.

still in the laundry.

and th drawers must be rearranged.

goshh i am so full of things to do and ideas to execute to the house.

my neurons are synapsing!

no wonder i am super duper tired.

i wish i am this. but instead i am this:

i need a spaaaaa and massage!

more to tell, mental note:

-my vege garden s blooming and havesting!

-my drawer organizing tips

-baby's and birth prepation

-spa oh spa

-business project revelation

Diy projects.

i am a busy mommy and home maker.