Settling for Mediocrity

I flipped through the TV channels and stumbled upon Mad Max: Fury Road. The one with Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron in. I never watched it and I didn't know what it was about. There was a scene when one of the bad people told his boss that he would get the person they are chasing for and that the boss will reward him with something something. He then jumped on the big truck and his metal chain got stuck on the roof of the truck. He fell down and his boss said: Urggghh another mediocre.

That scene somehow left me thinking. Am I just a mediocre? Will that I ever be despite my dreams and vision? But then, is it bad to be an average?

Well, there is no right or wrong in this. If you are content to be where you are and that life is great the way it is, then it is for you. If you feel like you can do more, contribute more, impact more, then you may want to put being just mediocre out of your options.

But, we also have to understand that we cannot be great at everything. Most of the times, we may be great at a thing, or 2 things. One can be great in climbing a corporate ladder, but he or she may be just a mediocre in being a parent. Then I guess, pick your priority?

I have spent the past 10 years creating diversity in my resume. Being a pharmacist, I am able to explore different pharmacy-related fields, and of course I did my very best in each and every one. I have explored different portfolios and I know what I don't like and what I may consider further.

I am now 35 years old. I am not getting any younger. I am now ready to focus in something and be more than average. But the big Question is WHAT?

I think I can be a good leader, but corporate field is not my forte. I can deliver, but I don't like the purely profit driven that I had to succumb to at the end of the month; to fulfill the desires of the directors, the shareholders. Based on my experience, these people can never have enough. They always want more. Well, that is human nature. But if we cannot control that desire, we only create a greedy monster who no longer have good intentions. It will be about us being 'more, more, more'.

I have been reading a lot, and I noticed that I have been buying a lot of motivational and psychological books. I am not depressed (not that I am aware of as of today), but the mind is intriguing, isn't it? I have three beautiful daughters and I want to be able to be a good example and role model to them. I believe by understanding the emotion, the mind and people, I may able to do so (well, at least I try?).

One area that never left my heart is doing charity. Back in Uni times, we used to organize a lot of activities that I believe help a lot of underprivileged. I miss those times. I have not been able to do it ever since due to work, family etc. Excuses? perhaps. I dont know.

Lil' Tummy was created with the intention to help underprivileged babies with good food. I did not manage to follow through due to a lot of factors like my kids we much younger then, the lack of knowledge and motivation and support and financial issues. Getting back to work is much easier.
Nonetheless that piece of me was never been buried. Selalu teringat to go back tapi.. there's always a 'tapi'.

So this time around, I need to plan properly, effectively, step by step. Work can be shitty as hell, but if I have a different goal in mind, work can just be work. I have something to look forward to once I am ready to leave to embark on the journey full-time.

This is the time I will learn more on leadership, speaking and content writing, find out more on target population and the services or products to deliver, to solve or to bridge the gap identified in the society.

I am not imagining it as an easy path. But I am glad that I have found a friend who shares the same passion and slowly, we shall do this.

1st Year Survival of At Home MOM

It will be my 1^st year anniversary as a Work/Stay At Home Mom. Oh gosh I have a lot to share about, on what to expect, the feelings, how to cope, etc. And this will be a long one so bear with me ait?

What to expect?

Laziness/tiredness..  you call it lazy, I call it TIRED la wei.

For about the first 3 months, I felt..lazy. All I wanted to do was being lazy. But that was because I was heavily pregnant, I was in my third trimester. Hahaha that explains the laziness right? I wanted to do a lot, well at least my mind was not lazy. But the energy was mostly used by the baby in the womb.

After Amal was born, I concentrated on taking care of her, with breastfeeding and constant napping. It drained the energy out of me. I was thankful though that I didn’t have to rush in to work cause I would be sad to leave Amal behind. Just like what I felt when it was with Ayra and Amna.

Despite the perk of having to be there all the time for Amal, I was/am exhausted. All freaking time. I was lacking good sleep (for almost 5 years now), tired of ensuring the house is clean and tidy. I am neat freak, so I cannot see serabutness in the house, you know.

However, I am glad that we have Livy the Vacum Robot. I would be crazy without her, seeing hairs and dusts on the floor. Haha at least with Livy, I just need to switch her on and she will do the job. We will do the extensive cleaning once in 2 weeks. So that spares us a lot of energy and time.

Exhausted… the extreme of tiredness

Being home most of the time, with 3 under 5 children are really exhausting. It exhausts you physically and mentally. By physically, I’m sure you (the ones with toddlers) can understand how tired it is to attend to the needs of these children. I need to make sure breakfast, lunch and dinner are ready. On top that, don’t forget snacks. These kids love snacking. Plus, unhealthy snacks are a no-no. Though I fail that most of the times. Seriously, where can I get the extra time and energy to prepare our own healthy snacks? Thank god for frozen!

Mentally exhausted is another thing that fails me every time. You are at home, with the eldest being almost 5. What kind of intellectual conversation are you expecting? Most of the time is about Rainbow Dash and Sunshine Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle and Flutter Shy. Then it would be dinosaurs and horses, and fairies and princesses. The only time I get to stimulate my brain is when we are studying math or reading. That is a different level of patience hahahaha. It doesn’t help either that I have this sickness of overthinking. I cannot stop my brain from thinking about our financial, the schools, the education, the business, how to go about. I guess that drained out my brain even faster.

Privacy. What is that again?

I miss my me time. The time that I can have when I was at work. It doesn’t have to be a spa or a massage session. A ME time is a quiet time that I can have on my own doing whatever I want. I hardly get that anymore. Previously when I was at work, I usually had lunch in my room, while continuing working, or doing things I want to do. Surfing internet, checking out online shopping and stuffs. Or get out and hit the mall, just walking alone. That me time. Oh god I miss that. Now? Now I cant even pee in peace. Even if I lock the door, they still come knocking or yelling my name and asking me questions. “Mommy, how to spell dinosaur?” “ mommy, whatpe tu?” “mommy, amna hungry”. “mommy, amal is eating the playdoh!” How come they don’t kacau the father?????

Cold War

When your body is tired, and your brain is drained, you will end up being moody. Almost all the time. And it makes you even crazier when you see your partner gets to spend time with his friends at work, or be in his own zone even for an hour or so. At least he gets to do it daily. You get this ‘meluat’ feeling and you start to get pissed off easily by whatever he is doing. I’ve been there and we have resolved that. When that hits you, you need to talk to your spouse asap. Do not let it bottled up. You will end up hurting your children easily. You get irritated easily and scold them for the smallest reason. I am guilty of that and god I wish I don’t have to go down that road again. It is scary for me, and my family. Sometimes I am more a momster than a mommy. Hahaha Now don’t get me wrong, respect to the Husband is there. It’s just you cannot comprehend things positively when you are beyond exhaustion, mentally and physically. Too many frustrations. So that is why communication on your expectations, etc is important.

Insecure

When you were once an employee, (highly paid lagi tu) and now you stay at home with no pay, you will become extremely insecure. I am not talking about insecurity towards your husband, just insecure as a whole. You don’t get to spend money like before. You want something, you gotta check your purse and calculate. You pause and breathe in and walk away. You don’t have savings and that scares the shit out of you for what ifs. I get that almost on daily basis even up till now. One day, after solat, I confided in HIM on what I feel etc. I felt lost. I cried my eyes out. I prayed to Allah to ease my way. I opened the Quran and I believe He showed me the story of Prophet Musa. The page showed me the story of when Paraoh ordered for baby boys to be killed out of fear of the prophecy. Musa’s mom was so scared. She put him in a boat and sailed him. But Allah assured her that he will be returned to her.

                                      

This verse taught me to have faith in Allah. Have faith in Allah. Have faith in Allah. Dua, and work on it. Work on whatever I can work on. Keep on praying. Rest assured Allah has things worked out for us. Just have faith. And so, whenever I feel insecure, I feel down, I feel lost, especially financially, I remembered this story. So, if you feel lost on something, doa and pray to Allah. Talk to Him cause He is always listening. Then open the Quran to find the answer.

Seems like i am rambling more on the bad sides rather than the good ones kan? hahha

well, not everything is bad! be positive!

Stick like a glue

Your children will be more attached to you and you end up falling in love with them over and over again. Even though they just scream their lungs out at each other just now. Or they pick their poo from their diaper. And scattered their shit on the bed. Literally. And at times when they had nothing to do, hanging on your leg will be an activity. Just for fun. (but not for you when you need to do works)

Time is gold

Though it may seem like I have all the time in the world, trust me, that was just illusion. It’s Monday today, and suddenly it’s Monday again. When I was about to appreciate the weekends, Monday comes and plays the blues. I have all the things that I want to do for the week, then something comes up and bye bye list. We see you next week. That is one of the reasons for Lil’ Tummy not moving (or perhaps my excuse). the perks is you get to plan your day/week ahead (and pray that your plan sticks). I dont have to worry when Amal is hospitalized cause work is not asking me to be in the office. My time is devoted totally to her wellbeing. and that makes me a better mom. You get to plan for lunch with your ex-colleague, or dates with your daughther. and God is generous, He eases your way to it.  

                                             

                                                 

Love Overloads

My time is mostly spent on the kids (duh). I get to know my children more. I get to follow closely their development. I get to bring Amna to her physiotherapy sessions without guilt (work waiting in the office), I get to do exercise with her (though not on daily basis). Amna loves imitating my yoga moves, so it helps her to stretch her muscles and use her left limbs more. Ayra gets to come home from school to mommy’s cooking. We get to go on dates, just the two of us. One day is spent just me and Amna, and other day is spent just me and Ayra. We get to have our own private conversation, eat ice cream and be silly. I love that.

Healthier lifestyle (or so I believe)

I try to do Yoga at least once a week (but don’t take my word for it), eat healthy, cook healthy, gardening, etc. I need my family to eat healthily. We hardly dine out anymore. First, it can be costly, second, it can be dirty. Or unhealthy. We cannot buy health, but we can prevent unwanted side effects from happening. Diseases start from the gut: diabetes, heart diseases, kidney failure. So, what we now will have its effect 20 years later. So in order to be healthy in the next 20 years, we have to eat right, right now. I cant however be this conscious everyday. I am a human after all. So we do skip a bit once or twice. But drink lots of water, and balance out with veges and fruits.

Own Business Empire (Bahaha)

Now it may seem cool to able to start your own business, with your own brand etc. but my god, it is so hard to be persistent! I have things planned out, A to Z, but execution is really killing me! To juggle family, which is always always my priority, and business is really hard. The most frustrating part is marketing. I have laid the plan, how to do it, etc. I dont habe a partner to push me and work togehther. plus I don’t have much time to do so. I guess I need to take things one step at a time and not to have so much hope kot. 

So basically, there are ups and downs of being at home mom. What you need is strength (mentally and physically), support system, team work, and what I find important but easily missed is: ME time. This is crucial. Just take the time off. Don’t over think. Do what you want for 2 hours, alone. Go out with friends, laugh. That little things help you sane.

Don’t I miss having my own job? Oh YES I do. At times I feel like I am a better mom if I am working. I would less of a momster, and more on a mother.

So where do I go from here? I will let Allah set the road for me. I have my aims, but the road will be set by Allah. I do what I can and the rest is up to Him. I am always open to possibilities. 

Till then, please give me lots of coffee, cakes, and your prayers.

of 3 months away

ive been trying to steal some time to blog. i kept postponing it until it was almost 3 months later.

really? 3 months just flew away?

we are done with Puasa, Raya and soon Raya Haji is coming.

Puasa was the most tiring of all. that explained why i didnt have the time to blog!

if i were to grade myself for that Ramadhan, i would give myself 4 out of 10. 

as the previous Ramadhan, i didnt get to perform tarawikh in surau or masjid. 

i did it on my own every night. and to add the shame, 2 rakaat.

i was like a drugged person immediately after magrib. not like we ate a lot. 

i guess the hormones of breast feeding mom, plus taking care of 2 more. 

we had our first raya in my gramma's place in Klang. we travelled back to Terengganu on the second day. the children forgot about me when we were there. Mommy is only needed at night. or for meals. 

so that left me some space to breathe. hahaha. not! dont forget the baby. 

so how is Lil' Tummy doing now? how long has it been now? almost as old as Amal i.e: almost 6 months.

it is doing okay. for a new start up. but not as good for post 6 months start up.

i could have been more aggresive but my kids are keeping me busy as well.

nonetheless, Lil' Tummy has 2 agents now: in Kota Bharu and KL.

I am looking to spread the wings to other states as well. and there have been queries, but we have yet to start anything yet. the time will tell.

as for cooking, i have experimented with other elements as well. i have eliminated the not so popular dish and added in more. thanks to Amal for her tongue. hahah. 

i've started her solid a lil bit early. 5 and hlaf months. only like once a day meal. and small one. like a cube per day. she seemed to like it. 

i have big plans for LT. big dreams. Oh my.

and now i am doing something something and hopefully Allah ease my way. 

it wont be easy, i know. after all, we are just starting out. 

anyway, the kids just recovered from cold flu cough and fever. and i have been exhausted ever since. i didnt have enough sleep cos Amal was like waking every few hours and cranky all the time. it wnet on for about 2 weeks. i was seriously tired. i cried in the bathroom cause i felt so bad for feeling that and i wanted a time on my own. i want a me time. a ME time.

a time to enjoy my own company. to check on myself. to know that I am still there. 

being a mom is of course the greatest thing ever. but I dont want Me to disappear. do u get what i mean?

i have dreams. i have visions. again, my dreams being the best mom is always the priority. but the other side of my dream is to work for what i want out of this life. do something good for me. for others. 

i want my children to be proud of my accomplishment, other than being a mom. 

i want to feel inspired.

i hope i am to the track.

and dear Allah, please, please ease my way.

ps: i need a spa. whole day spa. with massage and body scrub and facial and etc. i think that is... impossible since my boobies refilled so fast that i find pumping tedious. 

i hope to be able to blog more!

My Many Hats

I have so many hats to put on lately.

Family (Wife and Mom) Hat, Pharmacist Hat, Mumpreuner Hat, Chef Hat and..

I have an additional Hat to be worn from now on: Wealth Planner Hat a.k.a Takaful Agent Hat.

Surprise!!

Say what?? 

Ok, firstly, let me clear out the air on why I am now a takaful agent for PruBSN.

You see, I have resigned from my so-called corporate life to focus on my family, and to discover things that I feel can benefit me in so many ways.

I was done with being under appreciated employee, busting my ass off and ended up hurting.

I was done with working under bosses who are..well,..bosses. not leaders. 

basically, I was done.

my pregnancy only helped to strengthen my decision.

I have always wanted to focus on my family more than the stresses working life: endless.

I wanted something more.

by that i mean continuous pahala, financial freedom, continuous education.

something that can give meaning to life.

Money is of course the basic life necessity. without money, u can hardly do anything!

but i dont want to be slave to money. it will never end. what would life be if it's all about the money?

I wanted something more. something I love, something i can learn, something i can contribute.

I love the idea of having my own business, but let's face it, it is not easy as A B C.

there are many steps to it, and the journey will have ups and downs.

When I wanted to do Lil' Tummy, I didnt put so much expectations, but leave it to Allah definitely. 

Tawakal, and usaha as much as i can. I wanted it cos I want somethng that can relate to what i love: cooking and children. (not cooking children ye! )

so, the journey started and Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, it may be small, but at least He has shown me the way. I am continuing this journey. but i need something else.

whilst setting up Lil' Tummy, I stumbled upon the profession of Wealth planner from my agent.

one research to the another, i came to my long long friend, back when we were doing housemanship.

he is now an agent and he loves what he is doing.

I learnt that this gives me the flexibility in time, passive income, continuous learning and we can contribute to the society. 

it is always important to educate the society on proper wealth management and to prioritize needs. 

long story short, I passed the exams and I am now the takaful agent for PruBSN. 

Allah has eased my path.

I have my challenges though: I am not an extrovert. I am not persuasive. 

I dont know how to persuade people, I dont like to hassle people.

 and I dont know how to handle rejections. 

but looking at the positive sides, life is a challenge. I'm doing this to make myself better. to upgrade my capabilities and open up possibilities.

after all, life is dull if one keeps on sitting on the couch kan?

add some spices and herbs y'all.

I dont aim to close case. I aim to educate. really, honestly, if I didnt take the exams, (and read the books), if I didnt go the classes and discussions, I would not know the things I know now, even though we have subscribed to takaful years before. 

Takaful is just more than buying a medical card and claim.

I am wiser I guess. in that area. 

alhamdulillah.

at least my family is informed with what i know.

I hope with this, I can genuinely contribute to the society and may this be my way of obtaining my goals of financial freedom, continuous pahala and life long learning.

so people, please dont run away from me!

I am still me okay.

I have always loved helping people, and if u ever need something to clarify or to ask, you can ask me. I will do my best to help.

Lil'Tummy in Kosmo!

I received a call one fine Saturday evening from a lady.

She said she was Kosmo.

well, I didnt jump straight away.

I knew she would want to ask something related to the event that we participated in.

Probably how to spell my name, etc.

but then, she asked whether she could meet me. 

she wanted to know more about Lil' Tummy and myself.

How it started, how long have I been doing this etc.

I was like.. what? me? Lil' Tummy?

i mean, we are barely breathing.hahaha 

i dont have customer based, and I am actually kind of lost there somewhere.

hahaha

but, of course I said yes.

come one, free marketing, who would in the right mind would decline kan??

(even though I am faaaaar from ready)

The reporter, Cik Zu, came the after that, i.e Sunday. 

I didnt know what to expect, what to say, what to wear!

i knew i had to wear black though.hahahahaha 

it was all last minute. even the children got ready while the interview session happening!

It was fun. it was mostly on me, and how i started this, why i wanted to do this.

the girls even posed for the pictures. 

i demonstrated on how the meal was prepared, but it was not more like halfway there.

but the girls pretended to like them nonetheless.

talk about acting!
for me, i just hope i didnt look fat. or chubby.
gosh my cheek!

Amna was like always, cheeky as she has always been.

always wanted to be by my side. and Ayra knew enough how to behave, especially when the cameraman asked her to pretend and pose. 

And little Amal was busy sleeping!

(thank god for that!)

we even invited a 'customer', who is the baby of my cousin.

well, she is considered my customer since her mothers buys from us!

hehehe

so, the little cute debob Irene was in the paper too!

front cover of Pesona!

in case you missed it, please have a look below:

look at Amna's cheeky face!

this is nothing much. or big.

I am very sure, there are other brands of homemade baby food that deserve this more than I do.

they have been in this business longer time than i am.

i am still a newbie, slowly building up my brand, and customer base. 

but nevertheless, i am thankful to Allah for giving me this opportunity.

this is His gift. out of the blue. from the sky.

haha

Alhamdulillah...

ever since then, the business has started to kick off well.

not great, but well enough.

and i am forever grateful..

I am now a busy mumprenuer.

day time junggling my task of being a mom and businesswoman.

taking orders, arranging for delivery, answering calls,

marketing and promoting and making sales.

we started with 5 purees, and 4 level 2 meals.

and we have now added 2 more desserts, and 2 more meals for 8M above.

i am excited.

i do hope this gets better.. 

something i can be proud of, my girls would be proud of, and

mostly, something healthy to feed the children.

cos, every children deserve the best right?

xoxo

Chef Mommy! 

Glimpse of Glam

Remember I told you that the press were at our booth and they snapped many pictures 

of us and the booth? 

Well,..........................

Lil' Tummy appeared in the paper! 

We found it out tru my friend, who was that girl next to me in the picture.

This was in Kosmo on last Saturday, 14.5.15.

The article didnt say much on Lil' Tummy. It was more on the event itself, which what it was all about right? But nonetheless, we were thrilled to see our faces, and our product in the news.

can u see Amal's head? 

Oh my Amal. you are just 2 months old, and now u r in the paper!

hehhhe

I carried Amal in my 5 year old Baba Luna Sling. It was easier to breastfeed her that way. and less strain on my arms and i get to be mobile. my hands are mobile.

my friend said i so look like a superwoman.

u know, with the mumsprenuer and mommy thingie and all that?

yup, kind of i guess?

hahaha. 

any superwoman cannot do it on her own.

a good support system is a must.

in my case, my husband and my mother.

I shared that picture with lots of my friends and family members.

kind of excited you know? 

#jakunmodeon

#bagichanlanakjakun

i have another surprise to blog about. only after Friday that I shall talk about it.

Nothing big, but a big deal for us.

xoxo

Lil' Tummy

Not too long ago, a mommy, who was working full time in a corporate world, with all the blings and dramas, decided to quit her stressful job, and just be a mom (and of course a wife).

even though she didn't know what to do financially, she did not regret at all on her decision. 

but to make sure she is doing something for herself and to support her family, she knew she had to do something. plus, she can never sits quietly and be..still. 

it's not in her DNA.

after searching high and low of what she should do, and eliminating possible things that she could do, she ended up wanting to cook.

cooking and baking have always been her interest. even though she may not be the world class cook or baker, the satisfaction of doing so makes her want to do it. 

she loves cooking healthy meals for her children. ever since they were small, she had always prepared their meals on her own, despite her busy schedule. 

for her, children should not be fed with processed, MSG packed food at all.

to be healthy, it has to start from the earliest age. 

what we feed our children will shape their eating habits, their skills, their brain.

having that passion, along with her knowledge in health industry (since she has a degree in pharmacy), she wanted to do help busy parents, who care deeply of their children's nutrition needs, to give them the best homecooked, healthy meals. 

and that is when Lil' Tummy comes. 

she started to read more and more on food and nutrition. and proper storage, suitable packaging etc. 

she designed her own label and did her own logo. 

she wanted to do something that she can call her own.

something that someday, her children will be proud of. her family will be proud of.

with the birth of Lil' Tummy, not only she means business, but deeply, she really wants children to be able to have good food. and busy parents are given the option to provide good healthy food for their children. 

her journey just began. 

she has a lot of fears. lots of doubts.

but, she has to do it. she needs to explore her capabilities, her destiny. 

she knows it will not be easy, but like what Estee Lauder said:

whenever she thought of quitting, or losing hope, or changing course, she remembers the efforts that she had put in, the faces of the ones she loved, her dreams and goals, 

then she resumes back on the road.

hopefully, Allah will ease her way, and she will finally reach her destination: all that she pictures in her mind that she has become.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i came across an advert on this moms' event on FB. it was an event held for mumpreneur, to help them showcase or market their products and help with their business.

even though my customer base was kind of nil, Hub said it will be agood platform for me to try and showcase my brand. after all, the first stage of business is on branding your product. 

it was to be held in The School Jaya One PJ. 

I didnt want to do this alone. i invited my friend along, who has a small baby boutique business online. she has been doing quite ok, but never had experience in this either. so i guess, why not we do it together? first timer experience!

the friend's pot

Lil' Tummy had its first ever booth event last week. 

it was a new experience for me. i was kind of scared. i didnt know what to expect.

i made the preparations weeks earlier, to ensure it became like what i imagined in my head.

for a new product, the first impression is very very important. 

the packaging must be appealing, must be intriguing. 

the booth set up must be unique and interesting, something that can catch the attention of passer by. 

i finally came up to this:

alhamdulillah, even though the sales we not up the roof as what i would like to be, somehow we managed to attract lots of peoples' attention. even the press, whom i didnt expect to be there as well.

mom helped me a lot. she has always been supportive, and of course Hub too!

i owe them a lot for that weekend. 

Mom, for coming with us on the first day of the 2-day event. helped me to set up the booth and manned the booth. then helped to jaga Ayra and Amna on the second day, while me and Hub went to the booth on our own. Amal of course was with me. boobies are stuck. haha

Hub, even though he is tired, he stood it out for me. he accompanied me on both days, angkat barang and be there all the time. 

this is just the beginning. I dont know how it will be.

hopefully Allah will make it easier for us. 

Ayra was so excited on this too. 

what she did on the first day there:

Amna was busy being cranky, and Amal was busy being in my sling all day.

people were amazed by her, being 2 months old, and following mommy to run her business.

well, we need to train them early right? ;)

 we have may reporters at our booth taking our pictures and Lil' Tummy. 

I honestly dont know if we will ever come out in the paper.

if we do, then.. OMG.

i will definitely share here.

Xoxo