Qiqah Little Amal

Salam Aidiladha to all muslims in the world!

today was the second day of aidiladha. we had the Aqiqah Day for little Amal. 

she is 6 months old now. and weigh approximately...8kg plus plus?

 whatever her weight is, my arm hurts whenever i carry her, or breastfeed her.

huhu

the little princess is now crawling all over the house.

she loves putting everything she sees in her mouth.

she is in the curious stage. and i am tired of saying no. 

when i put that thing, she finds some other things and starts to taste them. 

she likes tasting her own arms. and she would suck it sampai keluar bunyi sedut.

it is hillarious. she makes me want to taste it too.

the little princess of the day put on Ayra's dress. it was all about recycling.

as long as it looks new and the baby is cute, who's asking eh?

we recycled from head to toe, except the diaper.

she got a lot of angpows, and she was really eager to taste them too.

it's the way she shows her appreciation. lol

and she even had a unique gift: a bag full of sugar. 

well, actually, she got 6 packs of sugar all together. 6kilos in total.

so she is like 6 kilo sweeter today.

bahahhha.

i havent received anything this unique. i havent encountered this before. 

my Mak said it's an orang kampung's tradition. but she herself does not know the symbolic meaning behind it. so, as usual i turn to Mr Google, whom we know has the answers to all. 

but whoa. Mr Google does not know it all after all!

i could not tfind the symbolic meaning of sugar. it was just a gesture show gratefulness.

and we are forever grateful for that. every little things matter.

dear Amal,

mommy hope you will the coolness of our eyes and our strength 

love u Amal.

paralympics inspiration

Watching the news on the winning of our Malaysian Paralympics really awakens my thoughts.

how awesome are they that despite their limitations, they are still able to achieve their dreams?

they work hard, train hard, have good support system, believe in themselves, 

and Allah grant their wish.

they prove that nothing is impossible.

their winning gives us hopes.

them, the so called orang kurang upaya, give me hope.

you know Amna has a little bit of weakness on her left limb, kan. 

she was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, but only because it involved brain injury at less than 2year old. it was a really really really mild cp. 

Alhamdulillah her condition only affected her motor skills on her left limb. her cognitive skills are normal. in fact, she is a fast learner.

she has improved a lot. but i can still see that she walks, runs, jumps, 

differently than the others.

and every time i see that, my heart aches. i wish we can trade places. 

let me walk, run, jump differently.

Knowing today that 3 of our paralympic athletes obtained gold really gave me hope in a sense that Amna can do it. she is definitely not an OKU, but her weaknesses can be improved, and she can finally walk, run and jump the best she can.

these heroes also proved that whatever our challenges are, if we put our minds on our goals, we are positive, we work hard, have good support, believe in ourselves, and have good faith in Allah, the day will come that Allah grants our dream.

they inspired me to not give up with Lil' Tummy even though it is hard.

i bet before they become heroes, they had doubts on their capabilities. 

they worked hard, trained hard but failed multiple times.

at times when they felt like a loser, their supporters gave them strength. reminded them of their dreams. gave them hope. and never to lose their sight. 

and never to stop praying to Allah. cause Allah loves those who beg from Him.

their winning is different from the 'normal' athletes. or any successful people we know.

i see them as someone extraordinary because physical and mental limitation is bigger than us. 

for me, others always have something else to back them up, like money, 

connections, power, names, influences. 

i love seeing vivy, but she got there with her luck of wealth, huge effort and supporters.

i like seeing how naelofa soars, but she had her names influencing people.

u get it?

Ridzwan, Ziyad and Latif just took inspiration to the next level.

i cannot imagine me having limitations on my physical or mental.

i am sure to crawl in my cave and dwell on it. 

to overcome this takes huge effort. 

the message is, if they can do it despite their shortcoming, what reason do we give ourselves for not trying as hard or as much? our arms, legs and body are intact.

our brain can calculate 1 to 10, and we can shop like nobody's business and calculate discounts.

we can eat and drink without assistance. we can button our shirts easily 

(Amna has difficulty to button up but she is improving)

we can walk, run and jump.

we talk. we laugh. we think.

so why do give up on what we want? on our dreams? 

on difficulties? on tribulation?

Allah gives us a minor test and we give up.

we complaint, we cry, we curse.

we even blame Allah for not playing fair. 

we feel like we are suffering and we have negative thoughts on our destiny.

basically, we presume the worse on Allah's will. 

we need to stop. i need to stop.

Amna. Lil'Timmy. family. friends. money. time.

everything. anything

i can do it. Amna can do it. we can do it.

just do it. 😉

thank you Ridzuan, Ziyad and Latif.

you are our muse, our hero, our wakeup call.

an inspiration to our biggest dreams.

you are the best example of life one can learn so much from.

you gave me a big slap on my face. 

and i have to thank you for that.

i am not a minion

I had to attend a 3 days course for training under the insurance company. 

it was a compulsory course, so i really had no choice. 

unfortunately, the 1st day that i attended the course was also the first day Amna fell sick. 

She has contracted it from Ayra, who fell sick few days earlier. 

They showed the exact same symptoms: vomitting, peristently high fever and they said their neck is painful.

we assumed it's the throat? we have brought Ayra to the doctor and doc diagnosed her with stomach flu. which was caused by virus. so it will eventually resolve on its own.

but it was sad that Amna had to fall sick when I wasn't around. 

both my parents in law came to help with the children. 

But Amna was very clingy and she only wanted to hug her Nena instead.

i felt so bad for not being able to attend to her. poor girl.

the course took long hours. from 9 am till 7pm. imagine that. and it was conducted in KL, which is far far away from where i live. i had to go through massive traffic jams on the way to and fro. 

i went to the course with an open mind, with no big expectation at all. furthermore, i only had my girls in mind.. i could not wait to get home. i was worried about Amna, who was vomitting all day, and Amal who refused to drink EBM as much as she needed to. basically, i was restless. 

i reached home at about 8pm.

being me, of course i just had to clean the kitchen, and whatever that i felt necessary. then the kids, etc. 

what pissed me off was that we were given task by the trainer, to be submitted the next morning. 

we had to write down 100 names and contact number on a book given and submit it the next early morning.

plus, an online exam to be passed and notified to the trainer the next day.

can u imagine being tired after going through the traffic, and cleaning up, and breast feeding, and attending to your sick child, but u need to do the tasks anyway?

well. i decided to sleep on it. i had migraine and i could not function.

the next day, while listening to the course, i wrote down whatever names from my phone, as fast as i could, with few empty boxes in few pages. i decided to skip few rows just because. 

i mean, who would really check right? there were about 60-70 of participants and it was just training purpose. so, i handed it in and let it be. i really could not care less.

come the final day, which was today, the trainer decided to return us back the book. 

but, he made it interesting by calling out one by one and pointed out the issues.

few sent in with fewer than 100 names. they were called sort of lazy. they were sort of accused of bringing down the agency/ company and that they are not reliable etc. 

at that time, i was ready for my name to be called. cause, well, i did leave few boxes empty. 

but suprisingly, my name was not there.

the trainer then went on with those who managed to follow the instruction by giving 100 names, and 120 names and giving prizes etc. praising them for their effort and giving 100% in the project. 

then he pulled out a book and mentioned my name.

in front of the whole class.

he said that i filled in the whole book, but i cheated my way out.

i left many boxes empty, that he doubted i gave 100 at all. 

he said something like i cheat my way up. and that i was looking for an easy way out.

that it was dangerous that i was hitting the target but using the wrong way.

basically, it felt like he was summarizing my personality, based solely on a stupid task, in front of the whole room full of people. i was humiliated. i was embarrassed.

only god knows how i felt. like i wanted to go invisible. 

i wanted to explain on why i did it that way, but i decided he was not worth the fight. 

im afraid if i started it, i will be rude and created a tension. 

so i smiled and kept my head down.

i texted Sima and kept the tears away. 

when the session was over, i went to the car and cried. 

i decided to go home and defaulted the evening session.

lantakla if i was considered absent. honestly, i could not care less. 

i am not a minion.

when i could not follow the instruction, it simply means that i prioritize my things. 

for this particular task, and with what i had to go through the day and night before, that task was the least important of all. i rather attended my baby and sleep rather than filling up 100 names for a task. 

there is a reason why i do this on a part time basis. 

because i have other priority in my life. 

and this is the least important of all.

because my sick child is more important and i am more important.

what's the point of staying up late at night just to fill in that 100 boxes for names and telephone numbers when i was having migraine and risk of being sleepy and driving in sleepiness the next day?

really, worth it? no.

i do agree that i am at fault for not giving 100% as requested, but being mature adult, in a so called proffessional field, by all means, he could have called me one on one and ask me.

like an adult. 

not judging me in front of the whole room full of strangers.

i am not your minion, not the company's minion, not anybody's minion.

i can only be Allah's servant and that's it.

this really bugs me. it made me cry. it traumatized me.

i am so sad that we were taught this in this industry. 

i know not all trainers are like this, but still, it only gave this a bad impression.

he kept on saying that he was making it tough for us because this job is tough and the real world is even tougher. you see, i know that. i do. but, for me, who is doing this on a part time basis, with the intention of helping and educating people, rather than making sales, i can always to choose to walk away or back off it the world is putting shit on me. i can always choose. 

god, i am mad, and sad, and most of all embarrassed. 

i kept on playing the scene in my mind and what'if scenes too.

what if i say this, or that.

this is not worth it. 

i will now focus more on Lil' Tummy.

when you need to tegur someone for their mistakes, we must do it in discreet. because we do not want that person to be embarrassed, humiliated. 

does it hurt so much when one is being polite ot the other? 

Old & Spine

My back hurts.


sob sob


I fell down right on my butt when I was pregnant with Amal..which was about 5 or 6 months pregnant I think. at that time. OMG it hurt so much but I couldnt do anything much about it. 

I just had to bare with the pain or took PCM at most. 

It hurt so bad that sometimes I cried wanting to sleep.
I could not find the best position for my own body. 

I always thought it was the baby being big and all, and that pregnancy backache
was hitting its role.

really guys, it was really bad. 

Every turn was painful!

Come confinement, it turned out ok. finally! I thought.

fast forward 4-5 months after, the pain came again. 

and this time, it brought along numbness and tingling of the right leg. 

and at that time I was like, why do I feel so old.

i cannot stand or walk too long. 

even cooking wearies me down. 

and Amal is growing up too fast, a kilo per month, and that leaves me even in more pain. 

hahahahahha

(but Alhamdulillah she is healthy and active) 

am I aging that fast already???

again, I thought it was just part of the parcel of growing up. coz, well, I am 32.

I googled about the symptoms. (cause that's what we patients do nowadays)

it mentioned something to do with the spine. 

I didnt do anything much bout it and just hoped it went away.

Until one day, I couldnt take it anymore, that I asked Hub to take me to see an ortho surgeon, specialing in spine. I had to undergo an MRI to see or confirm the spine etc. 

and yup, the result came back, with involvement of the spine. but lucky me, it wasnt thatttt bad.

(but sure hurt like hell)

the fluid in one of the lumbar was empty, which was at L5. and it could have happened when I fell down that one fine day. the other discs were thankfully was ok so it will not involve surgery whatever. 

Alhamdulillah!

But really, knowing the cause was not going to make the pain go away. 

I cannot take pain meds all the time. come on I love my kidney.

moreover, I am allergic to common NSAIDS and stronger pain meds are not suitable for breastfeeding.

doctor suggested that I undergo a minimally invasive procedure that can relieve the symptoms
and take off the pain. If only I cannot function well. 

after about 2 months of trying to suck it in and move on with my life, I went to another doctor and agreed to undergo that procedure. This doctor is the best in carrying out the procedure. He has done it so many times. 

When it comes to the spine and what it could do, I really need only the best to do it. 

So now I am home. It was done last week and my legs hurt much less. 

It could not give 100% cure definitely. but any improvement was an Alhamdulillah for me. 

but it wasn't very long hahaha

supposedly I cannot do much work. well, isn't that a dream right for every mom!

i just hope i can stand longer, walk longer. 

i need to try yoga!

of 3 months away

ive been trying to steal some time to blog. i kept postponing it until it was almost 3 months later.

really? 3 months just flew away?

we are done with Puasa, Raya and soon Raya Haji is coming.

Puasa was the most tiring of all. that explained why i didnt have the time to blog!

if i were to grade myself for that Ramadhan, i would give myself 4 out of 10. 

as the previous Ramadhan, i didnt get to perform tarawikh in surau or masjid. 

i did it on my own every night. and to add the shame, 2 rakaat.

i was like a drugged person immediately after magrib. not like we ate a lot. 

i guess the hormones of breast feeding mom, plus taking care of 2 more. 

we had our first raya in my gramma's place in Klang. we travelled back to Terengganu on the second day. the children forgot about me when we were there. Mommy is only needed at night. or for meals. 

so that left me some space to breathe. hahaha. not! dont forget the baby. 

so how is Lil' Tummy doing now? how long has it been now? almost as old as Amal i.e: almost 6 months.

it is doing okay. for a new start up. but not as good for post 6 months start up.

i could have been more aggresive but my kids are keeping me busy as well.

nonetheless, Lil' Tummy has 2 agents now: in Kota Bharu and KL.

I am looking to spread the wings to other states as well. and there have been queries, but we have yet to start anything yet. the time will tell.

as for cooking, i have experimented with other elements as well. i have eliminated the not so popular dish and added in more. thanks to Amal for her tongue. hahah. 

i've started her solid a lil bit early. 5 and hlaf months. only like once a day meal. and small one. like a cube per day. she seemed to like it. 

i have big plans for LT. big dreams. Oh my.

and now i am doing something something and hopefully Allah ease my way. 

it wont be easy, i know. after all, we are just starting out. 

anyway, the kids just recovered from cold flu cough and fever. and i have been exhausted ever since. i didnt have enough sleep cos Amal was like waking every few hours and cranky all the time. it wnet on for about 2 weeks. i was seriously tired. i cried in the bathroom cause i felt so bad for feeling that and i wanted a time on my own. i want a me time. a ME time.

a time to enjoy my own company. to check on myself. to know that I am still there. 

being a mom is of course the greatest thing ever. but I dont want Me to disappear. do u get what i mean?

i have dreams. i have visions. again, my dreams being the best mom is always the priority. but the other side of my dream is to work for what i want out of this life. do something good for me. for others. 

i want my children to be proud of my accomplishment, other than being a mom. 

i want to feel inspired.

i hope i am to the track.

and dear Allah, please, please ease my way.

ps: i need a spa. whole day spa. with massage and body scrub and facial and etc. i think that is... impossible since my boobies refilled so fast that i find pumping tedious. 

i hope to be able to blog more!

My Many Hats

I have so many hats to put on lately.

Family (Wife and Mom) Hat, Pharmacist Hat, Mumpreuner Hat, Chef Hat and..

I have an additional Hat to be worn from now on: Wealth Planner Hat a.k.a Takaful Agent Hat.

Surprise!!

Say what?? 

Ok, firstly, let me clear out the air on why I am now a takaful agent for PruBSN.

You see, I have resigned from my so-called corporate life to focus on my family, and to discover things that I feel can benefit me in so many ways.

I was done with being under appreciated employee, busting my ass off and ended up hurting.

I was done with working under bosses who are..well,..bosses. not leaders. 

basically, I was done.

my pregnancy only helped to strengthen my decision.

I have always wanted to focus on my family more than the stresses working life: endless.

I wanted something more.

by that i mean continuous pahala, financial freedom, continuous education.

something that can give meaning to life.

Money is of course the basic life necessity. without money, u can hardly do anything!

but i dont want to be slave to money. it will never end. what would life be if it's all about the money?

I wanted something more. something I love, something i can learn, something i can contribute.

I love the idea of having my own business, but let's face it, it is not easy as A B C.

there are many steps to it, and the journey will have ups and downs.

When I wanted to do Lil' Tummy, I didnt put so much expectations, but leave it to Allah definitely. 

Tawakal, and usaha as much as i can. I wanted it cos I want somethng that can relate to what i love: cooking and children. (not cooking children ye! )

so, the journey started and Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, it may be small, but at least He has shown me the way. I am continuing this journey. but i need something else.

whilst setting up Lil' Tummy, I stumbled upon the profession of Wealth planner from my agent.

one research to the another, i came to my long long friend, back when we were doing housemanship.

he is now an agent and he loves what he is doing.

I learnt that this gives me the flexibility in time, passive income, continuous learning and we can contribute to the society. 

it is always important to educate the society on proper wealth management and to prioritize needs. 

long story short, I passed the exams and I am now the takaful agent for PruBSN. 

Allah has eased my path.

I have my challenges though: I am not an extrovert. I am not persuasive. 

I dont know how to persuade people, I dont like to hassle people.

 and I dont know how to handle rejections. 

but looking at the positive sides, life is a challenge. I'm doing this to make myself better. to upgrade my capabilities and open up possibilities.

after all, life is dull if one keeps on sitting on the couch kan?

add some spices and herbs y'all.

I dont aim to close case. I aim to educate. really, honestly, if I didnt take the exams, (and read the books), if I didnt go the classes and discussions, I would not know the things I know now, even though we have subscribed to takaful years before. 

Takaful is just more than buying a medical card and claim.

I am wiser I guess. in that area. 

alhamdulillah.

at least my family is informed with what i know.

I hope with this, I can genuinely contribute to the society and may this be my way of obtaining my goals of financial freedom, continuous pahala and life long learning.

so people, please dont run away from me!

I am still me okay.

I have always loved helping people, and if u ever need something to clarify or to ask, you can ask me. I will do my best to help.

Lil'Tummy in Kosmo!

I received a call one fine Saturday evening from a lady.

She said she was Kosmo.

well, I didnt jump straight away.

I knew she would want to ask something related to the event that we participated in.

Probably how to spell my name, etc.

but then, she asked whether she could meet me. 

she wanted to know more about Lil' Tummy and myself.

How it started, how long have I been doing this etc.

I was like.. what? me? Lil' Tummy?

i mean, we are barely breathing.hahaha 

i dont have customer based, and I am actually kind of lost there somewhere.

hahaha

but, of course I said yes.

come one, free marketing, who would in the right mind would decline kan??

(even though I am faaaaar from ready)

The reporter, Cik Zu, came the after that, i.e Sunday. 

I didnt know what to expect, what to say, what to wear!

i knew i had to wear black though.hahahahaha 

it was all last minute. even the children got ready while the interview session happening!

It was fun. it was mostly on me, and how i started this, why i wanted to do this.

the girls even posed for the pictures. 

i demonstrated on how the meal was prepared, but it was not more like halfway there.

but the girls pretended to like them nonetheless.

talk about acting!
for me, i just hope i didnt look fat. or chubby.
gosh my cheek!

Amna was like always, cheeky as she has always been.

always wanted to be by my side. and Ayra knew enough how to behave, especially when the cameraman asked her to pretend and pose. 

And little Amal was busy sleeping!

(thank god for that!)

we even invited a 'customer', who is the baby of my cousin.

well, she is considered my customer since her mothers buys from us!

hehehe

so, the little cute debob Irene was in the paper too!

front cover of Pesona!

in case you missed it, please have a look below:

look at Amna's cheeky face!

this is nothing much. or big.

I am very sure, there are other brands of homemade baby food that deserve this more than I do.

they have been in this business longer time than i am.

i am still a newbie, slowly building up my brand, and customer base. 

but nevertheless, i am thankful to Allah for giving me this opportunity.

this is His gift. out of the blue. from the sky.

haha

Alhamdulillah...

ever since then, the business has started to kick off well.

not great, but well enough.

and i am forever grateful..

I am now a busy mumprenuer.

day time junggling my task of being a mom and businesswoman.

taking orders, arranging for delivery, answering calls,

marketing and promoting and making sales.

we started with 5 purees, and 4 level 2 meals.

and we have now added 2 more desserts, and 2 more meals for 8M above.

i am excited.

i do hope this gets better.. 

something i can be proud of, my girls would be proud of, and

mostly, something healthy to feed the children.

cos, every children deserve the best right?

xoxo

Chef Mommy!